Too Bloody Hot Linkdump

Tor.com sums up all the important stuff that happened at this year’s San Diego Comicon. Love Loki assembling his army in the middle of a “Marvel films” panel. I never much cared for Loki in the comics (or Thor for that matter), but Tom Hiddleston is a delight in the role.

iO9 has a neat article about what to call (hypothetical) aliens from other planets of our solar system. In the aborted space opera epic I conceived in my teens, “terrestrial” was the PC term for people from Earth, while “Earthman” or “Earthwoman” was offensive, which regularly confused clueless Earthpeople.

The New Yorker has a nice article on book cover design and how modern book covers often seem so bland compared to pulp magazine and mass market paperback covers of the early 20th century. I very much agree, but then I am very fond of pulpy cover design.

Salon interviews Shawna Trpcic who worked as a costume designer on most of Joss Whedon’s oevre as well as on Torchwood (I presume the US co-produced season 4).

T-Online reveals the possible truth behind the legend of the Flying Dutchman.

More odd news from T-Online, which is a treasure trove of odd headlines in general such as “minister bitten by poisonous snake” (in Panama) or “Football referee beheaded by irate fans” (in Brazil): A potential grave of suspected vampires has been unearthed in the town of Gliwice in Poland. The skeletons were found with their heads chopped off and their bodies covered with heavy stones and without any personal effects at all. Of course, the dead might also be execution victims, since the mass grave was located near the former town gallows. Still, there is a story idea in this somewhere.

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Just Strangle the Damned Cat! – The Problem of Formulaic Storytelling

Yesterday I blogged about how I don’t much care for what is currently considered “quality drama” in the US and that I find many of the regular, non-prestigious TV dramas, cop shows, police procedurals and the like, inferior to similar programs that aired in the 1980s and 1990s. And one of the reasons why the average cop show of today is less enjoyable than the average PI show of the 1980s is that today’s US cop shows and police procedurals are just so damn formulaic and predictable. Most of the time, I can tell whodunnit at around the fifteen to twenty minute mark, which regularily amazes friends and relatives who are less savvy with regards to current conventions of televised storytelling, as practiced in the US.

I had also long since figured out the culprit for the predictability of many routine American TV dramas (Like I said, I usually know whodunnit within twenty minutes or do), namely the fact that way too many screenwriters today adhere to the magical formulae peddled by screenwriting gurus such as Blake Snyder and Robert McGee. Nor am I the only one to have come to this conclusion for Slate has an article on how screenwriting guru Blake Snyder’s book Save the Cat! caused Hollywood films to become increasingly formulaic. The Slate article refers to summer blockbusters, but the underlying problem applies just as well to many TV shows.

Now the article is somewhat unfair in putting the blame solely on Blake Snyder and Save the Cat! (though I’ve been heard to mutter “Can we please just strangle that damned cat already?”, when watching yet another totally predictable installment of CSI), because while Snyder laid out a page by page formula for a successful screenplay, he did not invent that formula. Indeed, Blake Snyder’s “beat sheet”, kindly reproduced by Slate, is strikingly reminiscent of the granddaddy of all storytelling formulae, the Campbellian hero’s journey. Now The Hero with a Thousand Faces came out in 1949 and Joseph Campbell did not invent the hero’s journey either, but distilled it from analysing the myths of several world cultures and religions. So the basic monomyth pattern is as old as storytelling itself.

What is more, there is a reason why the hero’s journey is so damned dominant in storytelling: Because it works. It works and it has worked for thousands of years. My MA thesis has a chapter on Joseph Campbell and the monomyth. In that chapter, I detect the basic monomyth pattern in various SF novels and films. At around the same time, I also checked some of my own works against the Campbellian hero’s journey and detected the pattern in most of them, down to details such as threshold guardians (I rarely have mentor figures, though, cause I have never trusted them). I was stunned because I had never consciously tried to write a monomyth story – indeed I heartily distrusted any sort of storytelling formula. Yet somehow I had managed to produce variations on the monomyth time and again, several of them written before I had ever heard of Joseph Campbell and the monomyth. For even though I had never consciously tried to write a monomyth story and had never read Campbell, until I wrote my MA thesis, I had nonetheless consumed and enjoyed hundreds of stories conforming to the basic monomyth pattern over the years. I knew how stories worked, because I had read and watched so many of them (including quite a few of the myths Campbell based his original theory on, since I went through a huge mythology phase in my teens). And when I started telling stories of my own, I subconsciously applied the ingrained patterns I knew from the stories I had consumed.

Plot was always an aspect of writing that I was good at. A lot of beginning writers produce plotless vignettes of beautiful lyrical prose (or what the writer considers beautiful and lyrical), but I never did. I told stories. Indeed, in creative writing class at university I sometimes got in trouble for imposing a plot on plotless vignettes of beautiful prose (when told to describe an ugly vase, I wrote Courier Duty) and even writing poems with a plot. Why? Because I had consumed a lot of stories and my main drive for writing was the wish to tell stories.

Now it is almost as popular to hate on Joseph Campbell and Gustav Freytag for that matter (usually Freytag haters are people who have never even bothered to read Freytag and know only his pyramid and besides, they heard somewhere he was an anti-semite – which is wrong BTW) as it is to hate on Blake Snyder and Robert McGee. For an example, check out this sequence of four posts by writer Paul Jessup. There probably are more posts along those lines scattered throughout his blog, but I could only find four.

However blaming Gustav Freytag or Joseph Campbell or Robert McGee or Blake Snyder for the sorry state particularly of filmic storytelling is unfair. To quote a comment I made on one of the Paul Jessup posts linked above:

I think a large part of the problem is that a lot of people have never actually read what Gustav Freytag or Joseph Campbell wrote, they just know the Cliff’s Notes version that was condensed and boiled down a dozen times. Campbell analyzed various myths and found common themes. The one diagram in The Hero with a Thousand Faces actually shows a cyclical form rather than a linear plot. And while Gustav Freytag came up with the pyramid that bears his name, he did not even take his own advice, as anybody who has ever read Die Ahnen, a mammoth cycle of six massive volumes meandering across centuries, can attest.

I still agree with this comment almost two years after I wrote it. Because the problem are not Joseph Campbell and Gustav Freytag, both of whom wrote scholarly analyses of dramatic literature (Freytag) and mythology (Campbell) respectively and never set out to create a formula for successful fiction or write a how-to-book, but those who condensed and simplified and often misapplied their findings. And let’s not forget that even though The Hero with a Thousand Faces was published in 1949, fiction and screenwriters only jumped on Campbell’s theories within the last approx. 15 years. The earliest recommendation I have seen for The Hero with a Thousand Faces as a book that explains how to tell stories successfully is in a Ben Bova essay from the 1970s. And while George Lucas famously claims to have extensively consulted Campbell’s monomyth, while writing Star Wars, I for one have never seen or heard Lucas mentioning Campbell until the late 1990s, shortly before The Phantom Menace came out. Did George Lucas read The Hero with a Thousand Faces back in the 1970s and consciously applied Campbell’s findings to create Star Wars? It is possible. But it is equally, if not more likely that George Lucas came up with a cracking adventure story that hit all the right notes on his own, because he had consumed a whole lot of stories over the course of his life.

However, it was only after George Lucas credited Joseph Campbell as providing part of the inspiration for Star Wars that fiction and screenwriters started to jump on Campbell. And since Campbell isn’t all that easy to read, not to mention that he was writing about mythology not modern genre fiction or Hollywood blockbusters, several how-to writers took it upon themselves to translate Campbell’s findings into a jargon more suited to contemporary storytelling. Hence, we get Campbell-lite books such as Christopher Vogler’s The Writer’s Journey or James N. Frey’s How to Write a Damned Good Novel as well as the already mentioned Story by Robert McGee and Save the Cat! by Blake Snyder, which offer step by step outlines and formulae.

Now formulaic storytelling isn’t necessarily bad in itself either. In the sidebar, I link to Lester Dent’s pulp fiction masterplot and I own a copy of Plotto – The Master Book of All Plots by William Wallace Cook, both of which coincidentally predate Joseph Campbell’s Hero with a Thousand Faces. One of my all-time favourite TV shows is The A-Team, which is formulaic as hell. And as Jennifer Crusie points out, even sonnets are formulaic, yet no one calls Shakespeare a hack.

As with pretty much every bit of writing advice, the problem with those step-by-step plotting guides is not that they exist, but that writers (as well as editors, agents, producers, directors, head writers, etc…) slavishly adhere to them, often without really understanding the reasoning behind what they are doing. The result are films and TV shows and novels that are totally predictable, because they follow formula X laid out by Blake Snyder or Robert McGee to the letter. You don’t even need to read Save the Cat!, you only need to have watched enough films that follow the formula to be able to predict what will happen and who is the killer.

Some time ago, a supposed editor on a self-publishing forum fervently recommended Save the Cat!, because it will help writers to recognize all “fluff” in their novels and cut it out. And I cried, “No! I like fluff.” Because to me, the fluff that gets cut is often the most interesting or memorable bit of the book/film.

I rarely bother with DVD extras, but I always watch the deleted scenes. Now conventional wisdom is that deleted scenes were deleted for a reason, because they are useless fluff. However, while watching deleted scenes I often find little gems of characterization that got left on the cutting room floor (and in the case of a season 1 Torchwood episode, a deleted scene that actually contained crucial information for understanding the whole damned episode), while a self-indulgent but expensive fight or chase scene was left in. So in many cases, the “fluff” that was cut was actually the best thing about the film/book/TV episode.

And indeed the fact that we can no longer have any fluff is one of the reasons why TV shows are so damned predictable these days. Because every line, every single word has to serve a purpose, you automatically know that the throwaway line of the police chief about a wave of burglaries on XXX Street or the prison guard’s phone call to his wife in the background will inevitably turn out to be a vital clue to solving the case. Because in a modern crime drama, there never are any throwaway lines anymore. No one ever has a conversation that does not directly pertain to the plot. Fluff must be cut, everything must serve a purpose. Coincidentally, this is also why so many works these days fail the Bechdel test. Because any character and any sort of conversation that has no direct impact on the plot is cut.

Now cutting “fluff” is very much in keeping with the ideal of lean and masculine prose that is sadly dominant in Anglo-American storytelling thanks to the unholy trinity of Strunk and White, Ernest Hemingway and Elmore Leonard, who have probably done more damage to English language storytelling than Joseph Campbell, Robert McGee and Blake Snyder combined. I particularly dislike Elmore Leonard’s much quoted ten rules for writing and especially I dislike No. 10 “Leave out the parts that readers skip”. Readers are individuals, so how the hell can Elmore Leonard or anybody else for that matter know what they will skip? All Elmore Leonard knows is what parts he skips. Which aren’t the same parts that I skip. For example, I like the goofy, awkward and quiet character moments that frequently get cut in the quest to get rid of the bits that readers skip and viewers fast forward through. Meanwhile, I’m not the world’s biggest fan of gratutious fight and chase scenes, unless they are really well done.

Now this does not mean that Elmore Leonard’s writing rules are bad advice. Elmore Leonard does make some useful points and indeed pretty much every writing advice book out there makes some good points. It’s slavish and unquestioning adherence to those rules that is the problem.

Why is George R.R. Martin’s Song of Ice and Fire cycle so popular, both in written and televised form? It’s because the story is so damned unpredictable and because things don’t happen the way they are supposed to. The execution of Ned Stark and the Red Wedding are such shockers, because such thing are not supposed to happen. They violate the ingrained storytelling patterns. And if all a writer ever does is follow some kind of step by step masterplot outline, he or she may well produce a decent story or five. But they will never ever write a Red Wedding.

Some time ago, I chanced to watch an interview with Swiss writer Martin Suter on TV. In the course of that interview, Suter chanced to mention Story by Robert McGee. And I just sat there, totally stunned, and thought, “Wait a minute, Martin Suter has read Story by Robert McGee. Now that totally does not compute, cause Suter is not that sort of writer.” But then I thought, “Why the hell shouldn’t Martin Suter read Robert McGee? He is a writer, so why shouldn’t he consult all the writing advice books that are out there? After all, no one said that he had to follow McGee’s advice to the letter.”

The problem are not Joseph Campbell or Robert McGee or Blake Snyder. The problem are not patterns and formulae of storytelling. The problem are writers who slavishly follow those formulae without ever questioning them. And the problem are editors or producers who force writers to follow those tried and tested formulae without question.

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Some Reflections on the 2013 Emmy Nominations and the State of US Television in general

The nominations for the 2013 primetime Emmy awards have been announced. Some love for Game of Thrones, which makes me happy, particularly the acting nominations for Diana Rigg (who stole pretty much every scene she was in), Peter Dinklage (his Tyrion is still the highlight of the show) and Emilia Clarke (I would have preferred Maisie Williams, but Daenerys is always worth watching as well). I’m also happy to see Morena Baccarin nominated, but couldn’t they have found a better show for her? Some love for Mad Men, which I watch, but which seems nominated by reflex these days, because honestly, it’s not that good. Lots of inexplicable love for Homeland, Breaking Bad, Downton Abbey, The Good Wife and Girls, all of which I find unwatchable, and several nominations for shows I have never heard of. I mean, there is a TV show called Bates Motel? Honestly? Someone felt the need to make a prequel to Psycho? Why, for goodness’ sake?

I also wonder how the BBC adaption of Ford Maddox Ford’s Parade’s End managed to garner several nominations, since everybody I know who’s seen it flat-out hated it, including avid fans of nostalgia television a la Downton Abbey and avid fans of Benedict Cumberbatch. Of course, the problem with Parade’s End is that it’s simply the wrong choice of book to adapt. Now I must applaud the BBC for adapting something other than Jane Austen, Charles Dickens or the Bronte sisters once in a while, but Parade’s End? Honestly? Cause for contemporary audiences it’s impossible to feel any sympathy or indeed anything except violent loathing for the lead characters. You can cast Benedict Cumberbatch and hire Tom Stoppard to write the script, but that doesn’t make the book any more palatable. Some works are best left unadapted.

I’m also really not understanding the nomination criteria here. For example, the US version of House of Cards has snagged several nominations, probably because there are famous people like Kevin Spacey or Robin Wright involved. However, the US version of House of Cards was a straight to video series produced by US streaming video company Netflix. It never even aired on TV, so how can this be nominated in an award for TV programs? One of the comedies is apparently a web series as well, but I’m fuzzy on the details, since I don’t watch comedies. And Behind the Candelabra, the Liberace biopic which apparently shocked Americans by revealing that Liberace was gay (You mean there were people who didn’t know?), is a theatrical movie and even premiered at Cannes, for heaven’s sake. Okay, so Behind the Candelabra apparently did not have a theatrical release in the US, probably because distributors did not want to shock Liberace fans by revealing that their idol was gay. But just because it didn’t have a theatrical release doesn’t make it a TV movie. No matter how good, theatrical movies, direct to streaming video shows and web series have no place in a television award.

Indeed, David Haglund makes a similar point with regards to Behind the Candelabra in this Slate article, which attempts to deconstruct the golden age of television myth. Now personally I agree that on average TV is better than the movies these days, but that’s because the current state of cinema is very bad, since Hollywood only knows two modes of production: Brainless blockbusters with lots of explosions, which are a bit too brainless for me, even if I want to like them, and Oscar bait prestige movies, which are as unwatchable as their TV cousins, the type of “quality drama” peddled by HBO and its ilk.

Now I have expressed my views on the HBO brand of “quality drama” exhaustively before. With very rare exceptions such as Game of Thrones (which is a wholly different beast from your usual HBO show) and Mad Men (which I watch for the costumes and set design and glimpse into the 1960s advertising world, not for the not very shocking travails of Don Draper), I neither like nor watch these shows. The drug and sex-fueled exploits of middle-aged male anti-heroes* don’t interest me, unless said middle-aged male anti-heroes are named Tyrion Lannister or Don Draper (and Don isn’t all that interesting compared to Peggy who should have been the star of the show). Whatever relevance American critics find in those shows eludes me. And indeed, it eludes most of my fellow Germans as well, for none of these award-winning quality dramas ever do well over here. Homeland is the latest one to flop, in spite of the TV station’s ever more insistent emphasis on the many Emmys and Golden Globes it won in the trailers they broadcast during the ad breaks of more popular shows.

Whenever one of those overhyped US quality dramas premieres on German TV, some of our critics dutifully attempt to explain why this is a must-watch show. Unfortunately, the appeal of the latest US quality drama usually eludes German critics as well, so they start parrotting the views of their American colleagues and blather about “complex plot structures” and “the golden age of television”, though it’s painfully clear that they have no idea why this program is supposed to be good. However, instead of admitting that the Emperor has no clothes, they just parrot the same old crap about the golden age of television. Though it’s telling that of late, many German newspapers and magazines have stopped reviewing foreign programs altogether and instead expound on whether Polizeiruf 110 is better than Tatort (Who cares? I haven’t watched either in twenty years).

In my view, the current time is not a golden age of television, quite the contrary in fact. The HBO type quality drama doesn’t work for me with very few exceptions and the bread and butter programming, the cop shows and police procedurals and glitzy primetime soap operas and SFF shows (what few there still are), simply aren’t as good as their counterparts in the 1980s and 1990s used to be. It’s not the golden glow of nostalgia either. Rewatching an episode of a 1980s or 1990s show, even one I didn’t particularly like, is almost always a more satisfying experience than watching a current show in the same genre. And interestingly, the rot started setting in around 2000, at exactly the point in time that is usually given as the beginning of this mythical golden age of television. Meanwhile, all of the really good TV shows of the past ten years came from Britain rather than the US. And even the UK is becoming less reliable as a source of really good TV, because ever since the success of Downton Abbey, it’s just one nostalgia laden costume drama after another, while the good shows either end or fizzle out, only to be replaced by more retro drama.

*And the protagonists of US quality drama are all male. The sex and drug-fueled exploits of more or less young women are reserved for comedies such as Sex and the City or Girls.

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Photos: Saarbrücken with bonus Stengel churches

As promised yesterday, here are some photos of my recent trip to Saarbrücken.

Now Saarbrücken is a bit of an oddity, for though the settlement dates back to Roman times, the current city was only created in 1909 by the unification of three smaller towns, including the original Saarbrücken (nowadays known as Alt-Saarbrücken). It was heavily bombed in WWII and suddenly found itself the capital first of the semi-independent Saar protecorate and then of the German state of Saarland after the war. Due to the combination of WWII bombing damage and suddenly finding itself a capital city, which involved a lot of administrational responsibilities and required a lot of buildings wherein to carry out said responsibilities, Saarbrücken suffers a lot from bad city planning and architectural decisions made in the 1950s and 1960s. We’ll see some of those later.

However, Saarbrücken is also reknown for its baroque architecture, courtesy of architect Friedrich Joachim Stengel. Though originally from Saxony-Anhalt, Friedrich Joachim Stengel worked mostly in the Saarland area and the neighbouring Alsace region, which is now French. And it was in the Alsace that I had my first contact with Friedrich Joachim Stengel and his work.

As I mentioned before, my great-grandfather hails from Alsace and I still have distant relatives there. When I was a teenager, I visited my Alsatian relatives with my family several times. We also visit a lady who had been a pen pal of my Mom’s, when they were both teenagers. This lady had a thing for churches, particularly churches built by Friedrich Joachim Stengel. And so she dragged us through half of Alsace to show off Stengel churches. And Friedrich Joachim Stengel littered both Alsace and Saarland with churches, most of them unremarkable village churches. This church in the Alsatian village of Hirschland, from where my great-grandfather hails, is a typical example. After seriously overdosing on Stengel churches as a teenager, my reactions to hearing the name of Friedrich Joachim Stengel is still a groan even twenty years later. Which is why I was surprised how beautiful some of his buildings in Saarbrücken were.

Coincidentally, the story of Friedrich Joachim Stengel also illustrates how fluid national and cultural borders are in border region between France and Germany along the rivers Rhine, Moselle and Saar. The conventional historical narrative these days is that the evil and imperialistic Second German Empire stole Alsace-Lorraine from France in 1871, but that France was totally not imperialistic for trying to snatch the Ruhr area, the Rhineland and the Saar area after WWI and again after WWII. The truth is a bit more complicated, because the whole area changed hands several times over the past couple of centuries (There are buildings in Saarbrücken that were damaged during the French revolution!) and was actually its own kingdom in medieval times, which lies probably at the root of the problem, since I for one can see certain cultural similarities in the areas which used to be part of the medieval kingdom of Lotharingia, no matter to which country they belong these days. Culturally and linguistically, the Saarland and the adjacent parts of Alsace are German and particularly the rural areas of Alsace are still German speaking (and the dialect spoken in the Saarland sounds very similar to the dialect spoken by my Alsatian relatives), though the bigger cities such as Strassbourg, Metz or Nancy are largely francophone. Pointing out “But they speak German in Alsace, so why shouldn’t it be part of Germany?” got me in trouble in 11th grade history class, because thou must not contradict the established historical narrative. And not to let the Second German Empire off the hook (because they were Imperialist jerks), they did not just snatch the German speaking parts of Alsace from France but also parts which were clearly French speaking but had interesting industries. And indeed an attempt to get control over the coal and iron ore deposits along the Rhine and the resulting heavy industry lies at the root of the longrunning border conflict between Germany and France. Interestingly, the conflict evaporated for good once the coal and steel industry lost its relevance and gradually died off in the 1970s.

But enough with the history lesson. Let’s have some photos: Continue reading

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A Thousand Kilometer Round-Trip

I was away these past two days, because I took my oath as a court-approved certified translator. The background is that translations of official documents such as birth certificates, diplomas, etc… have to be certified. And certified translators need to be court approved. Due to the German federal system, the approval of certified translators is handled by the individual states which have varying requirements. However, due to recent legal changes, a translator certified in one state can do certified translations everywhere in Germany.

I’d been planning to get certified for a while now, ever since I interpreted at a wedding last October and really enjoyed the experience. Plus, I get requests to translate official documents and I’m not all that happy to send that business elsewhere.

Now the logical places for me to get certified would be Bremen and/or Lower Saxony. However, Bremen currently has no state law about the certification of translators. Lower Saxony has a law, but extremely expensive requirements such as forcing you to take a special class on legal translation (which is very expensive) before they will even consider approving you. But then a colleague told me at the monthly translators’ meet-up, “You know, it’s really uncomplicated to get certified in Saarland, if you have a translation diploma [which I do].” So I applied for certification in the state of Saarland and was approved (after a bit of trouble with a document that had gone missing in the post). And on Tuesday, I had an appointment to take my oath at the state court in Saarbrücken.

Now the Saarland is a bit of a historical oddity, the smallest of the German federal states except for the city states and the last to join (in 1957) before the reunification. It is located in the far South West corner of Germany, bordering on France and Luxembourg (the capital Saarbrücken is maybe twenty kilometers from the French border), was an independent territory twice in the 20th century and voted twice to become part of Germany and against becoming part of France (which wanted to gobble up the Saarland and much of the Rhine-Ruhr area after WWI and WWII because of the coal and steel industry there) or staying independent. Interestingly, I did see a couple of bilingual German-French roadsigns in Saarland as well as lots of cars with French license plates who had come over from neighbouring Alsace-Lorraine (which is partly German speaking).

More importantly, the Saarland and its capital Saarbrücken is also quite far away from Bremen. In fact, it’s 564 kilometers to get from my home to Saarbrücken. Include the way back and you have a thousand kilometer round-trip, to be accomplished in two days, with one car and two drivers. So basically, I spent a lot of time (six hours per trip) in a car to get to a city I had never visited before for an appointment that took barely one hour. Well, at least it was an adventure.

In some ways, this was the road trip I always wanted to take. Because when I was a teenager, my then best friend and I would sometimes ride our bikes to a bridge across the highway A1 and watch the cars and trucks go by. And I said to my friend, “You know, someday when I have a drivers’ license and a car, I’m going to get into the car and just drive down highway A1 for as far as it will go, all the way to Italy and the Mediterranean sea.

Now highway A1 does not go to Italy at all, which we didn’t know at the time, because my friend and I were both a bit fuzzy where the highway went beyond Münster (“Cologne, I think. There was a sign.”). But where highway A1 really goes is Saarbrücken. So I could get onto highway A1 in Bremen and drive all the way down to Saarbrücken on the same highway, except for the so-called Eiffel gap of approx. 25 missing kilometers where the highway was never completed.

However, it was no leisurely road trip, because if you have to cover 564 kilometers in a single day (twice), that doesn’t leave a whole lot of time to admire to scenery and the roadside attractions. And so time and again we’d drive either past places I knew were interesting (“In Münster there are still cages hanging from the tower of the church, in which they gibbeted executed heretics.” “Wuppertal has a steampunky suspension railway and I’ve never seen it.” “Would you believe that I’ve never been to Cologne?” “Hermeskeil – I was there on holiday when I was about twelve and they had this really cool aviation museum.” “The Roman ruins in Trier – I haven’t seen those since I was a kid.” “The Moselle is so beautiful.”) or tantalizing castles, abbeys and museums advertised via the brown tourist signs on the highway. Because no matter how fascinating the Westfalian Versailles or a 9th century Benedictine Abbey may sound, there’s still hundreds of kilometers to cover. And considering that the temperatures were about 26°C in Bremen and hovering around 30°C in Southern Germany, wandering around roadside attractions probably wouldn’t have been a great idea either way.

Though we still got to see at least some neat sights from the car. We passed the ADAC rescue services monument at the Kamener Kreuz interchange, which looks uncannily as is a bunch of angels have captured a rescue helicopter and are now carrying it off to be sacrificed to the great volcano god (It’s simply a weird monument, though I fully agree with the sentiment behind it). We passed the ruins of Volmarstein castle as well as a very massive war monument on a mountain high above the highway. We drove right past the BayArena football stadium (“Oh look, that must be the Cologne stadium.” – “Nope, it says BayArena.” – “Wait a minute, since when is Leverkusen a suburb of Cologne? Did you know that?”). We drove past Nürburg Castle and the Nürburgring formula 1 racetrack. We drove past Satzvey castle. We crossed the river Moselle and I caught a glimpse of the vineyards. And while circumventing a traffic jam on the highway, we drove through a lovely village called Monreal with two ruined castles looming overhead.

In Saarbrücken, it was much the same. We arrived around seven in the evening, had dinner and took a stroll along the banks of the river Saar afterwards. The next morning I walked down to the courthouse to take my oath and on the way back to the hotel I got to see some of the baroque architecture Saarbrücken is apparently famous for (photos are forthcoming). Then we got into the car and set off on the long drive back.

I wish we’d had more time and could have driven along the river Moselle, which is one of my favourite parts of Germany and the setting of a historical romance I’m working on. Or maybe driven across the border into France, to Alsace-Lorraine from where my great-grandfather hails and where I still have family. Or passed through Luxembourg into South Belgium, where I often was on holiday with my parents as a teen.

Still, I got my court approval and am now a certified translator. I’ll still have to get my official stamp done. You know, I always wondered why there still are stampmaker shops in the 21st century, even though we have e-mail now and stamps like that address stamp I had as a teen are kind of outdated. Now I know.

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Sick of Summer Linkdump

Sorry for the lack of blogging these past two weeks, but I have not just been insanely busy ever since the summer holidays began, but I also caught a nasty summer flu bug last week and have been pretty sick.

There’ll be more light blogging over the next few days, since I’ll be away on translation business and don’t know whether I’ll have internet access.

But for now, here is a linkdump of interesting links I found lately: Continue reading

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A new cover for “The Other Side of the Curtain”

The Other Side of the Curtain was one of the three Pegasus Pulp launch titles and coincidentally also the first cover I ever created. That given, it’s not a bad cover. I even drove out specifically to a local junkyard to take the cover photo.

However, the photographic cover of The Other Side of the Curtain does not match the graphic cover of The Dark Lily very well, which is not a good thing, considering both novelettes are in the same series. So it was time for a redo. Continue reading

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In which Cora totally fails to grasp the appeal of “Girls”

So I tried watching the supposedly generation defining US sitcom Girls tonight, when it had its German TV premiere. And yes, I know you shouldn’t judge any foreign TV show, particularly not one that’s supposed to be a comedy, on the basis of a German dubbed version alone. However, my interest in Girls is so non-existent that I simply can’t be bothered to procure an undubbed version.

In fact, as I said to a friend tonight, the only reason I tuned in for the German TV premier of Girls at all tonight was that I could snark about how bad it is on the Internet. Because snarking about highly acclaimed US TV shows, particularly HBO shows, on the Internet is fun. Of course, occasionally you also run across a show that’s actually good. For example, I initially started watching Game of Thrones mainly to make fun of it (after all, I didn’t even like the books), expecting to last maybe one or two episodes before giving up in disgust. However, to my infinite surprise, I found myself enjoying Game of Thrones a whole lot.

As for Girls, I find I cannot snark about that show either. Not because it’s actually good, for it isn’t. It’s dreadful. However, Girls is a rare type of dreadful, a show so awful you can’t even snark about it. Because there’s nothing to snark about there. Not that my friend (who wasn’t planning on snarking about the show on the Internet, but still was curious what all the uproar was about) and I didn’t try. We snarked about the outfits of the actresses. “Why does her blouse have a tomato print?” – “Are those vintage curtains?” – “Where can you buy clothes so ugly?” – “Was the costumer blind?” – “If that’s what’s fashionable in New York today, I hope we’ll be spared that trend.” But it wasn’t the sort of joyful snarking that a truly good bad movie/TV show generates (like that Shark Tornado film everybody and his brother is talking about today). It was more along the lines of “I can’t believe this shit got made and that we’re watching it.”

After maybe fifteen minutes or so of enduring Girls, we looked at each other and said, “Is there a point to this?” Then we switched over to watch the umpteenth rerun of an NCIS episode we’ve both seen at least twice before. During the ad breaks, we switched over to Girls to see if it got better. It didn’t.

It’s not that I don’t have any sympathy for the basic set-up. “Young women in the big city” is a theme that has been around in the popular media for more than a hundred years now (and yet gets treated like it’s a brand-new idea every time around – it’s totally new cause they get HPV instead of tuberculosis) and I’ve liked several reiterations of that theme over the years. And spending years after graduation drifting from between limited time jobs and unpaid internships with no prospect of anything resembling steady employment let alone a career – I know plenty of people in that situation. It is a huge problem and one that deserves to be addressed in the popular media. Frank talk about abortion, STDs, the occasional awkwardness of sex – hey, I like Misfits, so I should be all over this.

But even though the basic premise sounds like it could be good, if not exactly original, the execution is just… blah. It’s not even like one of those failed sitcoms with laugh tracks accompanying every unfunny wannbe joke and grimacing actors saying lines so corny you feel sorry for them. With those shows, you can at least see what the creators were trying to accomplish, even if it doesn’t work. But Girls is just a bunch of very average looking young women in ill-fitting clothes sitting around in drab surroundings and talking about STDs, abortions, workplace harrassment and sex (occasionally, they even have sex, joyless unpleasant HBO sex), as if all those things were incredibly daring and shocking. Only that it’s not daring or shocking at all. Nor is it funny. Girls is like a very bad, very earnest student film and leaves you with only one question “What is the point?”

Honestly, even with buzzworthy TV shows that I absolutely hated, I can usually tell why they appeal to others. I may not like Breaking Bad or The Wire or the new Battlestar Galactica or 24 or Revenge or The Walking Dead or Once Upon a Time or Homeland, but with those I can at least see why someone else might like them. With Girls I’ve got nothing. I honestly have no idea why this show got so much buzz that it seemed for a while as if every second article in the entertainment sections of US newspapers and magazines was about Girls. And there was a lot of buzz. The New York Times ran at least five different articles, columns and reviews about Girls (plus one article that criticised the show for getting the facts about HPV wrong). The Atlantic ran at least four articles, including one by Ta Nehisi Coates about the lack of racial diversity in the show. Slate had a roundtable of critics for every episode. The New Yorker and the New York Review of Books both profiled Girls creator/star Lena Dunham. The New Yorker also ran a column about what Girls says about the state of sexuality in America. And this is only what I was able to dig up with a cursory internet search. There was more, much more. Just for comparison, here are two German reviews from Der Stern and the Stuttgarter Zeitung. Like many German reviews of US shows that arrive here with lots of buzz, the reviewers dutifully regurgitate everything their US colleagues have already said about the show in question, though you often get the feeling that the reviewers don’t really get the appeal either, but are scared to admit it, after all “This program is important and relevant – The Americans said so.”

Honestly, skimming those columns and reviews I’d have expected something that was at least halfway interesting or infuriating, something that is worthy of all the buzz, even if I don’t personally care for it. But Girls was just dull. Is talking about genital warts and bad sex fantasies really so shocking in the US in 2013? Never mind that British shows like Misfits or The Fades or Skins or Torchwood did it all before and better and funnier and sometimes even with superpowers or ghosts or Weevils thrown into the mix. Maybe all of those critics and columnists praising girls are trying to cozy up to the famous parents of Lena Dunham and Zosia Mamet (whom I actually liked as Peggy’s lesbian pal in Mad Men) by praising the televisional efforts of their daughters to high heavens. At the moment, this is the only explanation that makes sense to me.

It’s not that I wouldn’t welcome a good TV show (or a film or a book – and no, what is called “New Adult” these days does not count) about young people in the big city acting and talking like young people really do, a show that’s funny and frank and honest about relationships, sex and the general messiness of life. I would welcome it, particularly because the Brits, who occasionally managed to produce something that comes close, have become ever more mired in the vapid nostalgia of Downton Abbey and Call the Midwife. I would welcome it because it might motivate me to finally finish my own magnum epos about young people in the big city trying to deal with life, work and relationships.

So yes, we need a good TV show (or film or book) showing the lives of twenty- and thirtysomethings as they are. However, Girls is not that show. It’s not even close.

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Some Remarks on the 2013 Ingeborg Bachmann Prize

First of all, the good news. The Ingeborg Bachmann prize is safe (Warning: Really creepy commentary by Jörg Haider supporters at that link). Though some still worry about the role of cultural programming in Austrian public TV in general.

What is more, Ukrainian born German writer Katja Petrowskaja has won the 2013 Ingeborg Bachmann prize. Petrowskaja’s text was one of those I heard and saw read live on TV. And I knew as soon as I heard the text that Katja Petrowskaja would win. Continue reading

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An inherent contradiction

While revising an older story, I came upon this sentence:

Some time later she was trotting through shallow, dirty, stinking water reaching up to her tighs and wondered through how many sewer systems she had wandered in her life.

Never mind that the sentence is clunky as hell, how can thigh high water possibly be shallow? Unless the inhabitants of Rothea III have a very different definition of “shallow” than we do.

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