Classic German Cinema Rewatch: The Spessart Inn (1958)

The German cinema of the 1950s and early 1960s is usually dismissed as escapist crap. This assessment is grossly unfair (I go a bit more into the reasons here) and causes a lot of the wonderful films to be dismissed or ignored.

One of the many underrated gems of German postwar cinema is Kurt Hoffmann’s 1958 adaption of Das Wirtshaus im Spessart (The Spessart Inn). While there certainly were many fine critical and serious movies made in postwar Germany, The Spessart Inn is not one of them. Instead, The Spessart Inn is pure escapism, albeit with some hidden depths (more on that later), a frothy historical romance loosely based on the eponymous 1828 fairytale by Wilhelm Hauff, a German romantic writer who specialized in fairy tales and historical fiction who might have become Germany’s Sir Walter Scott, had he not died at the age of 25.

Director Kurt Hoffmann sticks to the basic plot of Hauff’s tale about two traveling journeymen who spend the night at a sinister inn in the Spessart woods in Southern Germany, which are beset by robbers and bandits. At the inn, the journeymen meet a travelling Comtessa and her retinue, who have gotten stuck after a wheel of the Comtessa’s coach broke. When the robbers appear to take the Comtessa hostage, one of the journeymen switches clothes with her, allowing her to escape and get help. Hoffmann and his scriptwriters take some liberties with the plot. For while the Comtessa in Hauff’s tale is a matronly married lady, Hoffmann’s Comtessa is a young woman (played by Swiss actress Liselotte Pulver, then 28) and therefore much more suited to the part of a romantic heroine. Never mind that the crossdressing and mistaken identity plot at the heart of the story wouldn’t work nearly as well with an older woman.

Hoffmann also omits the stories told by the travelers staying at the inn, who tell fairytales to avoid falling asleep (The Spessart Inn is the framing story for a fairytale collection similar to Arabian Nights), though he does manage to maintain the feel and structure of the orally told fairytale via an unusual narrative device. For the tale of the Spessart robbers is told in installments by a wandering balladeer delightfully played by Rudolf Vogel. Wandering balladeers, known as Moritaten- or Bänkelsänger, have a long tradition in Germany. These balladeers traveled from town to town and publicly performed stories in ballad form, often accompanied by a sort of early comic strip on large display posters to illustrate the ballad. The balladeers were a sort of early news medium and so many of the ballads were supposedly based on true events (usually loosely). They inevitably contained large doses of blood and guts, murder and death, true love and danger, i.e. all the things that make for good entertainment. There usually was a moral message, too, so things wouldn’t get too entertaining. The texts of a couple of old ballads may be found here, while here is a YouTube channel devoted to contemporary performances of old ballads (warning, going by the titles some of the songs may be politically problematic).

The ballad as a news medium gradually declined in importance, as newspapers became more plentiful and more people were actually able to read them, though wandering balladeers still existed into the 1930s, though now primarily serving as entertainers. The Threepenny Opera by Berthold Brecht and Kurt Weill, which premiered in 1928, was strongly influenced by those old ballads and the famous song of “Mack the Knife” is a typical example of the genre. The balladeering tradition was killed off, like so many other good things, by the Nazis who neither liked itinerant people nor songs that could be (and were) used as political commentary. However, there were still people who remembered and so the ballad made an unlikely comeback in postwar Germany on the stages of the Kabarett theatres, which specialized in political satire, and also in the cinema of the time. The songs of the balladeers also survived and were still sung in homes well into the 1970s and 1980s. When I was a child, my Mom sang ballads that were likely more than a century old at that point to me. Unfortunately, she tended to forget the lyrics, which rather spoiled the effect.

Postwar German cinema was rather fond of the ballad as a framing device and commentary on the plot. Kurt Hoffmann used the ballad in Wir Wunderkinder (Aren’t we wonderful?) in 1958 as a cutting commentary on how certain unscrupulous individuals managed to survive every regime change in German history, while honest folks could never catch a break (a common topic in German postwar cinema). The ballad used as a framing device also shows up in Das Mädchen Rosemarie (The Girl Rosemarie), another 1958 classic based on the true story of a high-class prostitute in 1950s West Germany whose murder in 1957 remains unresolved to this day, likely because the police was unwilling to investigate the lady’s high society clients.

Both Wir Wunderkinder and Das Mädchen Rosemarie are hardhitting commentaries on the political situation in 1950s West Germany (and belie the charge that postwar German cinema was escapist crap. They’re both well worth watching, too, if you can find them) and the use of ballads as a framing device and commentary very much contributes to this. Meanwhile, The Spessart Inn uses the ballad in its original sense, as a way of telling a romantic story full of death and slaughter and true love, which may or may not be true.

The music is by Franz Grothe, a prolific German film and operetta composer. Going by the music alone, it’s hard to imagine that this film was made at a time when Elvis Presley was already rocking jailhouses and hound dogs, while Bill Haley was rocking around the clock, and that the Beatles would arrive in Hamburg only two years later. For while the music is many things, modern is not one of them. Instead, the music and songs are written in the style of the operetta and not the jazzier operetta of the 1920s and 1930s either, but the sweetly postwar operetta of the Robert Stolz type. However, the operetta style suits The Spessart Inn, for the fairytale like story of dashing robbers and beautiful comtessas in the dark woods is pure operetta. Never mind that the operetta is an unfairly neglected artform, much like German postwar cinema. And that the music is old-fashioned does not make it bad. Quite the contrary, it’s very good indeed. Grothe really nails the style of the traditional ballad and particularly the opening ballad as well as the song of the two robbers are delightfully catchy tunes that you will find yourself humming for days after watching the movie. The cast are primarily actors rather than singers, but their not quite perfect voices work just fine here. And unlike other musical films, which are marred by characters randomly breaking out into song, the songs are well integrated into the plot here. The use of incidental music is excellent as well. Particular highlights are the use of George Bizet’s “Torreador” in a scene where a group of frightened men tries to sneak down a staircase to escape the robber-besieged inn as well as the use of classic marching band music (it’s a famous march, too, though I can’t place it) to replace the dialogue of a pompous army colonel.

After a delightful animated title sequence, which is a little work of art in itself, The Spessart Inn opens in full blown gothic mode with wandering Italian (the gentleman’s ethnicity will eventually become a plotpoint) balladeer Parucchio singing his tale of the horrible and bloodthirsty robbers of the Spessart woods on the historic market square of the town of Miltenberg, which still displays some postwar grimness and grimyness. Once Parucchio has sung the opening verse of his ballad, a messenger appears to report that the robbers have struck again and robbed Count von Sandau. The messenger also posts a Wanted poster offering the ridiculously low reward of 20 Gulden for apprehending the robbers. This tiny sequence both serves to tell the audience that the robbers are a real threat (because Parucchio, while delightful, does not look exactly trustworthy) and that Count von Sandau is so tightfisted he would make pre-ghost-visitation Scrooge seem generous by comparison.

The focus now shifts to the two travelling journeymen Felix (Helmuth Lohner) and Peter (played by popular comedian and voice actor Hans Clarin) who must cross the Spessart wood and are understandably terrified. The next scene sees Felix and Peter wandering through the mist-shrouded woods, which are shot to look as foreboding and terrifying as possible. They come upon a signpost pointing towards a village with the trust inducing name Mordgrund (murder ground, which is apparently a real townname in the region) and a roadside shrine commemorating a previous victim of the robbers. Even more terrifyingly, they encounter the robber gang itself, riding through the woods on horseback in full gallop.

The scene now shifts again to Knoll and Funzel, two members of the robber gang played by Wolfgang Neuss and Wolfgang Müller, a popular German musical comedy duo of the 1950s. Knoll and Funzel have been ordered to dig a pit to entrap a carriage, which is hard work they resent. Besides, what Knoll and Funzel really want is to live peaceful lives as peaceful burghers, as they explain in the delightful song “Ach das könnte schön sein…” (Oh, wouldn’t it be nice…). The first ten minutes of the movie with the first verse of the ballad as performed by Rudolf Vogel as well as Knoll and Funzel singing about the peaceful lives they envision for themselves may be seen on YouTube here. The full movie is also available on YouTube, albeit only in German without subtitles.

Now Knoll and Funzel are about as far from the image of the scary and bloodthristy robber painted by balladeer Parucchio as you can get, more Robber Hotzenplotz (though the book postdates the movie) than dangerous bandits. What is more, their desire to live peaceful lives as peaceful citizens is an interesting commentary both on the time the film is set (around 1830) as well as the time it was made. For the so-called Biedermeier era, the time between the Congress of Vienna/the end of the Napoleonic wars and the revolution of 1848, was both a time of brutal repression of any sort of political dissent and a time where the people living in the many small states and kingdoms that would eventually make up Germany retreated into their quiet private lives, lived in pretty houses with pretty furniture and wore fluffy crinolined dresses and only wanted to forget both the bloodshed and political uproar of the French Revolution and the Napoleonic Wars as well as the dashed hopes for political reform. Any parallels to the situation in 1950s Germany are total coincidence. The Biedermeier was a time where the ideal was the quiet petit-bourgeois life, an ideal that is shared even by the bandits Knoll and Funzel in the film. And indeed the costumes and hairstyles, particularly those worn by the female extras, are a surprisingly accurate (by 1950s standards) representation of the fashion of the Biedermeier era with its high-collared jackets and tophats for the gentlemen and crinolined skirts and overblown hairstyles with braids, curls and topknots for the ladies. Again, any parallels to the iconic petticoat look of the 1950s are totally coincidental.

The pit dug by Knoll and Funzel is supposed to entrap a carriage carrying the Comtessa Franziska, daughter of Count von Sandau, as well as her maid Barbara, her fiancé Baron Sperling (whose name means sparrow in German and is a rather accurate description of the gentleman in question) and a pompous priest who mostly communicates in quoted Bible verses (My favourite is when the priest points out in response to the threat posed by the robbers that the prophet Jonah even survived inside the belly of a whale, whereupon Franziska replies, “Well, there weren’t any robbers inside the whale”). Franziska is not marrying Baron Sperling out of love (and indeed the Baron has all the personality of a sleeping pill) but to help out her perpetually indebted father. Besides, the Baron has given her some jewellery “that’s older, but rather nice” (“An accurate description of the Baron”, Franziska says. “I was talking about jewellery”, her maid replies). Once the carriage lands in the trap, everybody is worried about the robbers, though Baron Sperling assures Franziska that he will protect her. Unfortunately, the Baron doesn’t even know where to point his gun. While the carriage is being repaired, robbers Knoll and Funzel just happen to pass by, pretending to be the peaceful burghers they would like to be, and helpfully point out that there is an inn in the middle of the Spessart wood, where they party can find shelter.

The inn is another marvelously gothic setting, complete with a creepy innkeeper couple (he looks like Hodor from Game of Thrones, she looks like every wicked witch ever), who are in league with the robbers and tip them off about wealthy travelers. The two journeymen Peter and Felix are also staying at the inn, much to the consternation of the innkeepers who want them gone, so they won’t interfere with the planned coup. Balladeer Parucchio also shows up to sing another verse of his ballad about the robbers, wherein we learn that Parucchio was once the valet of a young Italian nobleman and that his master was kidnapped by the robbers, whereas Parucchio managed to escape. When the innkeepers’ daughter slips a note of warning to Felix and Peter, Parucchio leaves, preferring to sleep in the woods with his wagon and his dancing bear. “Bears are excellent deterrents against robbers”, he says. Felix and Peter are still arguing whether to leave as well, when the Comtessa and her party show up. Felix is quite taken with the Comtessa’s maid Barbara and so decides to warn them off the robbers. Soon, everybody is holed up in the Comtessa’s room, debating what to do now and how to escape, when the robbers appear at the inn, led by their dashing Captain (played by Argentinian actor Carlos Thompson).

Felix, Peter and Baron Sperling prove to be pretty much useless against the robbers, whereas Franziska snatches the Baron’s pistol and threatens the robbers. Alas, the robbers are not impressed and inform the party that they will let everybody else go, but keep the Comtessa Franziska as a hostage to be released when her father pays the robbers the princely sum of twenty thousand Gulden. No one in the party has that much money and Franziska is understandably terrified to stay with the robbers, especially since some of the more uncouth members of the gang have informed her that she will be hanged, if her father does not pay up. So Franziska switches clothes with Felix, who then stays with the robbers as a hostage along with Barbara and the priest. Baron Sperling is sent off to get the ransom money, while Franziska, now dressed as a boy, and Peter try to sneak out via the backdoor. However, they are caught by the robbers, whose Captain seems very taken with the two young men and even offers Franziska, who now calls herself Franz, to stay with the gang. However, Franziska and Peter manages to knock out two of the robbers and escape, “borrowing” the horses of Knoll and Funzel (who promptly complain about bold thieves who know no respect) in the process.

Still dressed as a boy, Franziska returns to her father’s castle (the castle scenes were shot at beautiful Mespelbrunn castle in the Spessart woods), hoping to persuade him to pay the ransom to free her friends. However, the tightfisted Count has no intention of paying the ransom and instead calls in the army, whereupon Franziska decides to free her friends herself by taking up the robber captain’s offer to join his gang. Since she does not know where the robbers hide-out is, Franziska returns to the inn, where she regals Knoll and Funzel with tales of her (entirely imaginary) exploits of robbing a mail coach and its passengers. She also offer proof in the form of two rings supposedly stolen from a jeweler who was a passenger aboard the coach. Since Knoll and Funzel are not the sharpest knives in the drawer, they take Franziska back to their leader, who is not remotely fooled by her disguise, but takes her on as his new personal servant anyway.

The film has lots of fun with its crossdressing plot and also offers some neat acting from Helmut Lohner who has problems maintaining a ladylike posture, plus his beard gets in the way, and Liselotte Pulver who is desperately trying to convince everybody that she is a man and yet is about as successful as Arya in Game of Thrones in her ruse. Her utter cluelessness in how to deal with men’s clothing and shaving provides lots of comic relief. Liselotte Pulver was a popular casting choice for tomboyish characters in the 1950s and 1960s and would indeed play another crossdressing heroine two years later in the (bloody depressing) Thirty-Years-War set melodrama Gustav Adolfs Page (Gustav Adolf’s Page). Indeed, it’s only the fact that Liselotte Pulver is more on the slim and boyish side and that Helmut Lohner, then 25, is not just slight and looks very young, but can also hide his face under the veil of the Comtessa’s bonnet that allows them to pull off the ruse at all. Now crossdressing plots can sometimes seem far-fetched, though they have some basis in fact, for in history there are many documented cases of people who dressed up as the opposite gender and remained undetected for a long time. As always with crossdressing plots, there is some mild sexual frisson, since the robbers lock up Felix, dressed as the Comtessa, and Barbara in the same cell, while Franziska is forced to share not just a tent but a bed with the dashing robber captain (which gives us a chance to see the bare chest of 1950s heartthrob Carlos Thompson). It’s all rather harmless, though if you watch closely, you’ll notice that it is implied that both Felix and Barbara as well as Franziska and the robber captain have sex. The priest is rather appalled by it all, but absolutely no one listens to him. Meanwhile, the homoerotic implications (Did the captain see through Franziska’s disguise at once or is he habitually so taken by handsome young lads that he wants to take them to his tent or bed?) were completely lost on my younger self, though they are very obvious when watching the film as an adult.

Now the dashing and romantic robber was something of a popular archetype in late 18th and early 19th century literature. Examples include Friedrich Schiller’s The Robbers. Johann Wolfgang von Goethe’s Götz von Berlichingen (which is partly set in Miltenberg and includes one of the most famous rude quotes in German literary history) as well as Rinaldo Rinaldini by Goethe’s more famous (in their lifetimes) brother-in-law Christian August Vulpius. Wilhelm Hauff was drawing on these models when he wrote The Spessart Inn. What is more, banditry was a genuine problem in the chaotic times following the Napoleonic War, including in the Spessart wood. And some real life outlaws such as Johannes Bückler, also known as Schinderhannes, became folk heroes. Many of those tales were still well known in 1950s Germany, indeed the story of the Schinderhannes was filmed in the same year as The Spessart Inn, starring Curd Jürgens and Maria Schell. And indeed the archetype of the romantic robber is one I am very familiar from my youth (Hostage to Passion was definitely influenced by The Spessart Inn), though I mostly got it via second and third hand sources.

Most tales of heroic outlaws, whether factual or fictional, end tragically. Schiller’s The Robbers pretty much kills off its entire cast, mostly by suicide. Götz von Berlichingen dies in prison and the real life Schinderhannes was guillotined with much of his gang. But since The Spessart Inn is a lighter take on the tale of the romantic outlaw, nothing really horrible happens to anybody. And so the robber captain is not just dashing and handsome, but also reluctant to hurt anybody, much to the consternation of his followers. “Compare that to our old leader”, Knoll and Funzel lament, “Sure, he was crazy, but at least he got things done.” Any parallels to real life political situations are of course entirely coincidental. The more radical of the robbers, led by the captain’s second-in-command, talk a lot about hanging their captives, but the closest they ever get to it is draping a noose over a branch. And even a brief moment of shock when the fake Comtessa is revealed as a man by a nosy female member of the robber gang (played by Kai Fischer who played bad girl characters in many German films of the period), is quickly smoothed over, when Felix and Franziska switch their identities back.

The situation threatens to come to a head, when the army, called in by Franziska’s father, advances towards the robbers’ camp. The army is headed by a Colonel played by Hubertus von Meyerinck, an actor who is best remembered today for playing Sir Arthur, head of Scotland Yard, in many of the Edgar Wallace films of the 1960s. Meyerinck’s Colonel is a pompous idiot without any brain to speak of, who really loves giving orders. Indeed, much of his dialogue is replaced by marching band sounds, while his catchphrase is “Zack, zack” (Quick, quick). The Colonel is a good example of how soldiers, particularly higher ranking officers in love with their own importance and with giving orders, were viewed in war weary postwar Germany.

To be fair, the Colonel’s plan to stake out the Spessart Inn where Baron Sperling is supposed to hand over the ransom money (Count von Sandau agreed to pay up after all, once his daughter took off to join the robbers) and then follow the robbers to their lair isn’t all that bad, though it is foiled by Knoll and Funzel who plan to keep the ransom money for themselves (to finance the peaceful life they crave) and by Baron Sperling who gets very, very drunk. When the army surrounds the inn, Knoll and Funzel manage to talk their way out of trouble by claiming that they came upon the drunken Baron and the ransom money and want to return both to their rightful owner in exchange for a nice cushy post.

Meanwhile, back at the camp, the robbers are getting antsy and decide to hang their prisoners now. The robber captain has no desire to hang either Franziska or anybody else, so he sides with the prisoners against his own gang. The priest is sent for help, while Felix, Franziska, Barbara and the captain fight off the entire gang. When they are just about finished, the army finally arrives. The Colonel is quick to claim the victory for himself, while the captain takes off on a horse, taking Franziska with him.

Franziska and the captain sneak back into her father’s castle (which is not all that smart, come to think of it), where Franziska hides the captain in the tower. They have a heart to heart and the captain delivers verse three of the ballad, telling how an old Italian nobleman once lent a lot of money to Franziska’s father, Count von Sandau. When the Count refused to pay back his debts, the old nobleman died and his son set off with his trusty valet Parucchio to force the Count to pay back his debts. However, on the way they are attacked by robbers and the young nobleman was taken prisoner. Since he cannot afford to pay ransom, the robbers are about to hang him. He is saved by a timely thunderstorm and the robbers, being a superstitious lot, decide to take that as a sign that the young Italian count is fated to be their new captain. The young nobleman accepts, because – as he tells Franziska – it’s better to be a robber than dead.

However, Franziska is still engaged to marry Baron Sperling (who was returned to the Count along with part of the ransom money by Knoll and Funzel). Even worse, the army arrives to apprehend the robber captain (because hiding your robber boyfriend in your Dad’s castle is never a good idea, particularly not when you ride off with him in front of the nose of an army colonel). The soldiers search the castle, but the robber captain escapes by swimming the moat hidden underneath a hollowed out ornamental swan. Back in the town of Miltenberg he is finally reunited with Parucchio, who is once again presenting his ballad. Together, they decide to abduct Franziska before she is married to Baron Sperling. Parucchio and the robber captain (whose real name is Count Patrizio) manage to sneak into the castle under the guise of providing entertainment for the wedding. Franziska recognizes the captain’s voice and locks her father in her room, while Felix locks the Baron and the priest in the chapel (“I don’t know what this is supposed to mean”, the outraged priest exclaims. “I do”, the resigned Baron answers). Franziska takes off with the captain, who can’t resist to inform her father that he is Count Patrizio. “You’ll get your money”, Franziska’s father promises. “Forget it”, the captain replies, “I’ve got the greater treasure.” The film then ends with Parucchio singing the final verse of his ballad.

It’s a true happily ever after ending for everybody. Even the capture of the remaining robbers (only the captain as well as Knoll and Funzel escape) happens off screen. We never learn of their fate, though going by historical precendent they would likely have been executed either by hanging or guillotining or by axe, depending upon what the local Duke preferred (Breaking on the wheel was still occasionally done, too, but was definitely on its way out). But such a grim ending, even for the villainous characters, would ruin the mood of such a frothy delight as The Spessart Inn.

That said, considering how conventional and authoritarian the 1950s were in West Germany, it’s interesting that there is a strong anti-establishment and anti-authoritarian streak running through the films of the time. Indeed, a lot of German films of the 1950s focus on the conflict between the essentially decent little man (or sometimes little woman) against a corrupt, inept and hypocritical establishment that survives even drastic regime changes largely unscathed. Many of the German postwar classics I already mentioned, Wir Wunderkinder, Das Mädchen Rosemarie and the wonderful Rosen für den Staatsanwalt (Roses for the Prosecutor) from 1960, are variations on this theme and deal with the many Nazi officials who nonetheless managed to make a career for themselves in postwar Germany, while their erstwhile victims still struggle. The Spessart Inn is a fantasy take on the same theme, transposed into the Biedermeier era of the post-Napoleonic restauration. Indeed, it’s interesting that all of the likable characters, such as the balladeer Parucchio and the two journeymen Felix and Peter, are itinerants and vagrants, barely a step above the robbers on the social ladder themselves. Meanwhile, the representatives of the authority are all inept or crooks or both. Count von Sandau is not just a tightfisted Scrooge, but – as it turns out – a thief who cheats a fellow nobleman out of his money by not repaying his debts. The army colonel is a pompous idiot. The priest dispenses Bible verses which are absolutely no help to anybody. His moral objections to the going-ons are ignored. Baron Sperling is not just terminally dull, but completely inept and unable to protect his bride. The only likable aristocratic characters are Franziska, who is treated like a bargaining chip by her father to pay off some more of his debts, and the robber captain, who lost everything, his wealth, his title and even his name, and was forced to become an outlaw to survive. There is a touching scene where the captain asks Franziska, who is still pretending to be a boy, what made a journeymen goldsmith become a highwayman. “We all used to be something better”, she replies wistfully. It’s a sentiment that many in postwar Germany – people who lost everything in the war, people who had their homes bombed, people who were forced to flee on foot from Silesia or Eastern Prussia or Pommerania and became vagrants themselves – could sympathize with.

The Spessart Inn was so successful that it begot two sequels, Das Spukschloss im Spessart (The haunted castle in the Spessart) in 1960 and Herrliche Zeiten im Spessart (Wonderful Times in the Spessart) in 1967. There is also a soft-porn parody called Das Lustschloss im Spessart (The pleasure castle in the Spessart). Spukschloss is set in contemporary times and features the ghosts of the robbers of old (including once again Wolfgang Neuss and Wolfgang Müller a.k.a. Knoll and Funzel) trying to help the current Comtessa (once again played by Liselotte Pulver) who is in danger of losing her castle to the debts she inherited from her late father. Spukschloss is enjoyable in itself and the political and social satire about the situation in postwar Germany is a lot more hardhitting than in The Spessart Inn. Indeed, rewatching it as an adult, I was stunned by how critical it was. Alas, Spukschloss is marred by a truly cringeworthy performance of Hans Clarin as an oriental prince which was a racist caricature even at a time when characters of colour were routinely played by white actors. I don’t remember a thing about Herrlichen Zeiten, though I have seen it. Lustschloss is bad in a way that only 1970s German soft-porn can be bad.

The Spessart Inn, however, is a true gem. In spite of some sly commentary on postwar West Germany, mostly dispensed by Knoll and Funzel, it is definitely an example of the escapist streak of postwar German cinema. However, it is escapism at it’s very best, extremely well made and still holding up after more than fifty years. Highly recommended, particularly if you like fairytales and historical romances about dashing highwaymen.

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Holding Back the Flood of Spam

Comment spam has been increasingly problematic for WordPress blogs. In the past few weeks, I have been getting twenty to thirty spam comments per hour. Users mostly never see them, but scanning through and deleting the spam comments (important, because occasionally legitimate comments land in the spam bucket) has been increasingly time intensive.

However, I just installed a new WordPress Anti-Spam plug-in, which so far seems to have reduced the spam comments to nil. I could still post comments, both logged in and logged out and trackbacks still work as well. However, if you have problems commenting, please drop me a line.

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A Pop Culture Fatigue Themed Linkdump

First of all, I have been interviewed by Brianna Lee McKenzie at The Cozy Corner Reading Room, so come on over and say hello. I’ve also got a round-up of writerly links and plugs over at Pegasus Pulp.

iO9 asks whether Lois McMaster Bujold counts as a hard SF author. I’d say that she does, and let’s not forget that many of her short stories were first published in Analog, bastion of hard SF. However, since Lois McMaster Bujold focuses more in biology than on physics, the sort of people who extol hard SF above all other strands of the genre will never accept her. Besides, she is a woman and writes about things like uterine replicators rather than the singularity, so of course it can’t be hard SF, sigh.

Silvia Moreno-Garcia fins unexpected parallels between V.C. Andrews and H.P. Lovecraft. Like many of my generation, I discovered the V.C. Andrews novels as a teenager (via an older cousin who had the set and let me read the first) and found them really thrilling at the time. For all their inherent creepiness (and they are damned creepy), those V.C. Andrews books have that difficult to define something (fear of parents, fear of family, fear of sex) that appeals to teenagers. For a while I read some like I consume tortilla chips, just one after another. Then I stopped and never looked at them again. I never found them romantic, though, just pleasantly horrifying.

If you’ve ever wondered about the religious beliefs of various superheroes and some supervillains, this page has taken it upon itself to classify comic book characters according to their religion. It’s a bit odd, since feminism, environmentalism and animal rights activism are not religions. And Sabretooth as a born again Christian, Hulk as a Catholic or Wolverine as Buddhist did make me raise my eyebrows. Nor does the site support my assumption that Cyclops (and presumably Havoc and their Starjammers dad as well) as well as Cable and Rachel Phoenix are Jewish, even though it was always perfectly clear to me when I was reading the X-Men comics. They do list Jean Grey as a member of some protestant denomination, though.

Talking of comics, the readers of Comic Book Resources voted for their fifty favourite X-Men stories in honour of the X-Men’s fiftieth anniversary (The X-Men and Doctor Who? 1963 was certainly a great year for pop culture). There were pleasantly many of the classic Chris Claremont stories of the 1970s, 1980s and early 1990s on the list, a bunch of the big 1990s holofoil crossovers I generally hated (My reactions at the time: “Hated this one and almost stopped reading the series.” “Hated this one and vowed I would stop reading the series.” “Hated this one and actually did stop reading… for two issues) and a couple of “after I stopped reading for good” (when I read Grant Morrison’s highly anticipated first issue and realized I didn’t give a damn) issues of the Grant Morrison and Joss Whedon era (well, it’s recent). Interestingly, Joe Madueira’s 1990s run, which was hugely popular at the time, is missing from the list altogether. The top two choices are pretty obvious (Come on, which two are the first X-Men stories anybody ever thinks of, which ironically ran right after each other?) and I can’t really disagree, number 3 is the dreadful Age of Apocalypse crossover which I really fucking hated (It was one of the holofoil event crossovers referred to above, the other two being The X-ecutioner’s Song and Fatal Attractions, which is probably my most hated X-Men story ever). My personal all-time favourite story, the Logan and Rogue team up to save the X-Men in Japan storyline, comes in at No. 8, which is a pleasant surprise, since I always considered that one rather obscure. Some other favourites from the early 1990s Jim Lee era don’t make the list at all (the Omega Red story and the X-Men in New Orleans story), but then I suppose I only love those stories so much, because they were some of the first X-Men stories I ever read.

I recently mused about this year’s Bayreuth festival and its new Ring of the Nibelungs production. Now the New York Times weighs in and is baffled. Though personally, I love the irony of someone called Attila singing the part of Hagen von Tronje, for in the original Nibelungenlied Hagen von Tronje was the guy who killed the heroic Siegfried, since he knew the only spot where Siegfried was not invulnerable thanks to the treachery of Brünnhilde (who had a reason to be treacherous). In return, Siegfried’s wife Kriemhild (who is called Gudrun in Wagner’s Ring for some reason) married Attila a.k.a. Etzel, King of the Huns, and used him to get revenge on those who killed her husband.

From one controversy to another: I have already blogged about my less than enthusiastic reaction to the announcement that Peter Capaldi will play the Twelfth Doctor. Reactions around the web are mixed with plenty of people wondering whether Capaldi is the right choice, whether he is too old and why yet another white man was chosen. Meanwhile, others try to see the positive and point out that Capaldi is an interesting choice and that he is a fine actor (which no one was disputing) and that he won an Oscar for a short film he directed. In short, most people seem to be baffled by the decision, while others desperately try to convince themselves that this casting choice was a good idea.

Personally, I think what this shows most of all is that it’s time to replace Steven Moffat as showrunner (a choice I never agreed with in the first place, always found his Doctor Who episodes overrated) and perhaps to let the good Doctor rest for another couple of years (or maybe forever). The franchise is played out once again, probably even more played out than it was in 1989. Maybe someday someone will come up with a way to regenerate Doctor Who for a new generation like Russell T. Davies did in 2005. Or maybe the Doctor has been played out for good. Hey, fifty years (minus sixteen, sort of) is a good run. Few other stories get as much.

Doctor Who has now joined the ranks of my personal “I really used to love this, but now I can’t even bring myself to care any longer” franchises along with Star Wars, Star Trek, the X-Men, Spider-Man and plenty of lesser known works. On the one hand, the fact that I can’t even enjoy some of the things I once liked most anymore is really fucking depressing. On the other hand, if enough people said, “Enough with this shit, I just don’t care anymore and I’m certainly not going to read/watch anymore”, then maybe the entertainment industry will stop wringing the last drop of fun out of once great pop culture.

At iO9, Charlie Jane Anders makes a similar point, namely that way too many of the reboots and reimaginations fall flat, because they do include a fan favourite moment or five, but yank them out of context.

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Rise of the Valeyard

The BBC has announced who will play the Twelfth Doctor and has chosen Scottish actor Peter Capaldi. Now Capaldi is undoubtedly a fine actor and supposedly a fan. Nonetheless, I think it’s a horrible decision. Part of the reason for my opinion it’s personal, because I simply don’t like Peter Capaldi. Fine actor or not, the man just grates on me.

Secondly, Peter Capaldi already appeared in two different parts in both Doctor Who and Torchwood. Now there are several precedents for companions and Doctors who first appeared in different roles in Doctor Who. The best known example is Sixth Doctor Colin Baker, who appeared as a Timelord guard in the Fifth Doctor story Arc of Infinity. New series companions Freema Agyeman and Karen Gillen as well as Naoko Mori from Torchwood also appeared in different parts in Doctor Who before they became members of the main cast. And Capaldi’s previous Doctor Who appearance in the fourth season episode The Fires of Pompeii wouldn’t disqualify him from being the Doctor, since it was only a supporting role in a single episode five years ago.

However, what does disqualify Peter Capaldi from playing the Doctor IMO is his part in season 3 of Torchwood a.k.a. the Children of the Earth miniseries. Now I have a difficult relationship with Torchwood. I absolutely loved the first season and hated the remaining three. But I hate no season of Torchwood more than the Children of the Earth season, not even the American travesty. And a large part of the reason is Peter Capaldi’s character. Continue reading

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New title, new cover, new video

Yes, it’s another promotional post. Regular blogging will resume shortly.

Now I have acquired a YouTube channel, it needs more content than two old book trailers. So I made a general promotion video using Stupeflix, another of those online “Make an animated video” services. And yes, this time I was smart enough to download the finished clip.

You can see it below. It should also be available on my Amazon author page soon.

I also updated yet another of my existing books, since the book formerly known as El Carnicero shall henceforth by known as The Butcher of Spain.

The Butcher of Spain Why the title change? I had noticed that El Carnicero was selling much worse than my other historical adventure romances. I changed the blurb somewhat, but that didn’t do the trick. Eventually, someone pointed out that the Spanish title El Carnicero might confuse readers into believing that this was a Spanish language story. I didn’t quite get this – after all, foreign language editions are clearly marked and besides, the blurb is in English. Nonetheless, I finally gave in and changed the title to The Butcher of Spain, which contains no foreign words at all.

And since I changed the title, I also updated the cover. I still use the same Goya drawing of a witch being strangled, but the font is different and the leather-bound look matches the cover of Under the Knout.

I also made a Pinterest board with images related to The Butcher of Spain.

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Booktrailers are back

Okay, so this was quick. The Videos page is back, since I figured out how to upload my two surviving xtranormal trailers to YouTube.

In the meantime, I also seem to have acquired a YouTube channel of my own. My old filmmaker self would have been thrilled.

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Booktrailers gone

You may have noticed that the “Videos and Booktrailers” page is gone. I deleted the page, since xtranormal, the 3D animation service I used to make the trailers, has suspended operations as of July 31.

I only noticed this because the “videos” page suddenly got an abnormal number of hits, so I checked what was up and saw that all four trailers were gone. xtranormal itself never notified me that they were closing down, which is IMO not exactly good business practice. Ah well, it’s not as if I spent a whole lot of money to make those trailers, but I kind of liked them. Two of them survive on my harddrive, because I downloaded them at some point, the other two are gone for good.

I’ll see if I can upload the two surviving trailers to YouTube and/or this site directly. I’m not sure if there will be more booktrailers, because the truth is that booktrailers are not really great tools for selling books, at least not for me. I may make another booktrailer or author video one day, if the filmmaking bug bites me again. I was quite active as an amateur filmmaker in my early 20s and shot documentaries with a local film club (whose website has been hacked, so no link). I got out of filmmaking when the chemistry at my local film club changed and my writing started to take up more and more time. Not sure if I’ll ever get into filmmaking again, especially since it takes a lot of time.

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New short story: Love in the Times of the Macrobiotic Müsli

Those of you who would like to see more German set stories will hopefully enjoy my latest offering. For Love in the Times of a Macrobiotic Müsli is set in Germany, West Germany to be exact, in 1982.

Now the early 1980s in West Germany were a time of protests, lots of protests against nuclear power and nuclear weapons, massive building projects, the public pledging of recruits and lots of other causes. It was also a time of fear, fear of nuclear war and unemployment and acid rain and dying forests and nuclear power. The early 1980s in West Germany were also the heyday of the peace and environmental movements, which eventually culminated in the founding of the Green Party.

Love in the Times of the Macrobiotic Müsli takes place during that volatile time and tells the story of two young university students, Katrin and Hans-Dieter, who meet during a protest march and manage to fall in love at a time when dealing with such basic human emotions was a tad more complicated than usual. It’s an epic tale of love, sex, politics and breakfast and it’s not to be taken entirely seriously.

Eventually, there will also be a German version, because if there ever was one story that begged to be translated, it’s this one. But for now enjoy the English version of Love in the Times of the Macrobiotic Müsli

Love in the Times of the Macrobiotic MüsliA Romance of the Counterculture

West Germany, 1982: Hans-Dieter and Katrin, both active in the peace and environment movement, meet at a protest march against a new nuclear power station and manage to fall for each other, while fleeing police truncheons, tear gas and water cannons.

Navigating the intricacies of romantic and sexual relationships is tricky in an era where the personal is political, heterosexual penetrative sex is tantamount to rape and he who sleeps twice with the same woman is already part of the establishment. But hormones will not be denied and so Hans-Dieter and Katrin embark on the adventure that is love in the times of the macrobiotic müsli.

Warning: This story contains descriptions of sexual activity using both bad nuclear war metaphors and the sort of words some people might consider crude.

More information.
Read an excerpt.
Length: 5000 words
List price: 0.99 USD, EUR or GBP
Buy it at Amazon US, Amazon UK, Amazon Germany, Amazon France, Amazon Spain, Amazon Italy, Amazon Canada, Amazon Brazil, Amazon Japan, Amazon India, Kobo, Barnes & Noble, Apple iTunes, Casa del Libro, W.H. Smith, Nook UK, DriveThruFiction, OmniLit/AllRomance ebooks and XinXii.
More formats coming soon.

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Making my Peace with the God of Thunder – Of Marvel’s Thor, Richard Wagner and Cultural Appropriation

Tor.com has some more amusing post Comicon reporting such as a whole lot of photos and videos of John Barrowman a.k.a. Captain Jack Harkness kissing a whole lot of more or less famous people of various genders and species. The photos of John Barrowman with Nathan Fillion or Misha Collins probably set off a flurry of Captain Jack meets Malcolm Reynolds or Captain Jack meets Castiel fanfics. Not so sure about the pic with Wil Wheaton (though his expression is hilarious), because I don’t think there is a huge demand for Captain Jack/Wesley Crusher fics.

I also loved the story behind Tom Hiddleston’s surprise appearance as Loki (in character and full regalia) at this year’s Comicon. Turns out Tom Hiddleston wore a full Jango Fett costume during the whole flight from London to San Diego to keep the surprise, which must have been incredibly uncomfortable. Though I would have loved to see the faces of passengers and crew when they found themselves faced with Jango Fett. But considering the rather humourless and non-pop-culture savvy business people often found in business and first class, a lot of them probably would have no more idea who Jango Fett is than who Tom Hiddleston is. My Dad most certainly wouldn’t have recognized Jango Fett. In fact, I was surprised that he recognized Yoda when I wore a Yoda t-shirt while visiting my parents.

On a related note, also at Tor.com, Emily Asher-Perrin analyses the various subtle and not so subtle changes in Thor’s and Loki’s respective outfits and comes to the conclusion that their armour/costume is probably a form of energy, which they can manipulate at will, and that both Thor and Loki are probably running around naked underneath their energy armour (Just think of the reams of incest fic inspired by that image). Her theory is supported by the fact that when Thor is stripped of his powers and expelled to Earth, he is naked.

Interestingly, the likeable portrayals of Chris Hemsworth and Tom Hiddleston as Thor and Loki respectively have also achieved something I hadn’t thought possible. They finally caused me to make my peace with the Marvel Comics incarnation of Thor or as I sometimes call him, “the hammer of cultural appropriation”. Continue reading

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Interview with Writer K.S. Augustin a.k.a. Cara d’Bastian

Kaz AugustinToday, I continue my irregular series of interviews with international indie writers and welcome K.S. Augustin a.k.a. Cara d’Bastian to my blog. K.S. Augustin’s indie publishing venture Sandal Press celebrates its second anniversary in August.

1.      Tell us a little about yourself.

I’m of Portuguese Eurasian descent, born in Malaysia, although I am an Australian citizen. (Not a Real Australian(tm) mind you, just a citizen! 😉 ) I’ve been in publishing, one way or another, for more than twenty years, although I only seriously began writing fiction six years ago. After working in Australia, the USA and Singapore these past few years, we’ve now settled in Johor, which is at the southern tip of peninsular Malaysia and only ten kilometres from Singapore…less if you can swim!

2.      Tell us a bit about your works

My first love is SF. I grew up on SF, I owned an SF&F bookshop, we have hundreds, if not a couple of thousand, SF books and books on SF. So, I write it, as simple as that. The book I’m most proud of is War Games, a political SF romance. The book that I think is the most fun is Quinten’s Story, a space opera with romantic elements. I’m working on the sequel at the moment (Quinten’s Revenge), so I suppose Quinten’s Story is the one that’ s uppermost in my mind.

Quinten's Story by K.S. Augustin3.      What was the inspiration for Quinten’s Story?

It was the response to War Games from literary agents. “Oh,” they said, en masse, “it has lesbians in it… Yeah, interesting story and all that but (shrug) we can’t sell lesbians.”

And I thought, why should it make a difference? Okay, the story touches on two people falling in love on an alien battleground, but why should it matter whether they’re heterosexual or not? To me, it was irrelevant, but obviously not to anyone else.

“Have you got anything else?” they asked.

So I sat down and wrote Quinten’s Story, my idea of a rollicking space opera. Surely, that should get a better response, I thought. And they said, “Oh, it has romance! But it’s also SF. But it has romance! And I know it’s SF but…it has romance!” Times have changed, but those were the responses at the time, and it was dispiriting, to say the least.

So I sat on the novel for a while, revisited it, polished it up, sent it to my two editors, and finally published it through Sandal Press in 2012. What seems to have bothered agents hasn’t bothered those readers who’ve been kind enough to post reviews on the two books, so I figure I’m ahead.

War Games by K.S. Augustin4.      You write in several genres, namely space opera, SF romance, fantasy, contemporary South East Asian set erotica and non-fiction travel writing, mostly under the same name. According to conventional indie wisdom (Build your brand, write what’s hot, only write in one genre, preferably a series – which BTW is conventional trad publishing wisdom), this is a big no-no. So why did you decide to buck this conventional wisdom?

The stuff under the Augustin name is mainly for adults, whether space opera, erotica or even travel. My sweet stuff, like the urban fantasy series I just finished, is under the name of Cara d’Bastian so that, basically, anyone can read it. I suppose I’m just drawing a line in a different place.

5.      Do you see any crossover sales between the different genres that you write in?

Nope.

6.      Have you ever experienced any negative repercussions of writing both erotica and non-erotic fiction under the same pen name?

Well, I’m lucky in that I don’t live in the United States, so I don’t have to worry about *gasp* a work colleague finding out I sometimes write erotica and thus contribute to the decline and/or destruction of Christian civilisation as we know it. Everyone else outside the US that I’ve spoken to, even here in Muslim Malaysia, seems to have a pretty balanced view of my work and what I write. There are some giggles but, so far, no faggots assembled or stakes pounded into the ground, for which I’m grateful.

7.      In my experience, indie publishing and the e-book revolution has been a particular boon to international authors such as ourselves who live far from the centres of the English language trad publishing industry. Would you agree?

Oh absolutely, Cora! If indie and digital publishing hadn’t come along, I think I would have ended my life full of regrets and self-recrimination. Right now, I have friends and colleagues across the globe (like you!) and I wonder how I’d stay sane without the technological advances within, and without, publishing.

Just to go off on a philosophical bent for a moment, the very fact that an avenue exists that is outside traditional Western publishing means that many more voices and perspectives can be heard and appreciated. Readers no longer need to only accept what they’re spoon-fed at major chain stores; a radically different read is only two clicks away on their computer or even smartphone.

Where I think things haven’t equalised is in the area of language itself. As much as I would love to release Finnish or Spanish or Chinese versions of my work, there is an equally tough road for those authors who don’t know English in trying to reach a bigger audience. I wonder if the rise in digital and independent publishing means that, in the end, we will (globally) settle on a de facto language standard. At the moment, that looks to be English but, whatever it is, I think that people’s knowledge of each other can only benefit from being presented with greater, rather than fewer, points of view.

The Check Your Luck Agency by Cara d'Bastian8.      Did you ever pursue traditional publishing? And if so, what were your experiences?

Yes, I did, as I mentioned earlier. I got personal replies from literary agents, telling me to keep in touch with them. I got requests for fulls. I even got a contract from a respected small press.

What I didn’t like about the agents’ way of doing business (and I separate that from the agents themselves, who appeared to be nice enough) was that it was obvious they were after low-hanging fruit; in other words, quick wins, fast money. If a book straddled genres (as mine tend to do), then they weren’t interested. They wanted “pure” sf or “pure” romance; Quinten’s Story got rejected by several agents purely because of the romance in it. Agents liked my writing, liked my style, liked the pacing, but hated the “romantic elements”. I think that’s changed with the incredible recent rise in popularity of SF romance (and SF “with romantic elements”) but that wasn’t the case even three short years ago.

As for the trad press contract, it was abominable! Really, I’m surprised they didn’t ask for my first-born along with the manuscript! It was really really tough but, in the end, I turned down the contract. That was for War Games, which ended up being my first Sandal Press release (2011). It meant losing money short-term, but I figured I’d gain more long-term. Give me a few more years and I’ll tell you if I was right!

9.      One of my most striking trad publishing experiences was that it was very difficult to sell fiction set outside the US or “approved” foreign countries such as the UK, especially if said non-US/UK set fiction does not match common US clichés about the country in question (i.e. Germans are allowed to write about Nazis and maybe fairytales. We’re not supposed to write anything else). However, several of your books are set in South East Asia. So how did traditional publishing react to those books? And how did readers? 

Without a doubt, the digital-first publishers are much more open-minded regarding non-stereotypic conventions, compared to the traditional publishers. Let me say that up front. I didn’t even attempt to shop my Asia-based urban fantasy around the trad pubs because, from the controversies that raged at the time about whitewashing covers and difficulties with major protagonists being non-white, I knew I didn’t stand a chance. (There’s only one white character in the series, and he’s a ghost!) I also knew that a digital-first house would take it. But I wanted more! And, because basically I have a huge ego and tend to psychologically resemble a steamroller at times, that’s how Sandal Press was born.

The reaction to my books from readers has been very positive, I’m glad to say. Of course, a whole swag of people absolutely hated the way I’d end each of my Check Your Luck books (the urban fantasy series) on a cliffhanger, but prevailing opinion is more positive than negative and now that I’ve finished that series, I’m a lot more relaxed about it.

I could talk about how capitalism automatically (yes, automatically!) leads to the commodification of culture, and the pitfalls inherent in such a model regarding artistic creativity or even risk-taking, if we wish to generalise, but shall desist.

10. At the moment, there is a heated debate going on about sexism in the science fiction and fantasy community. One of the strands in that debate is the place of SF romance in the genre and how some men feel that female writers are polluting the rational purity of SF with their romance cooties. As someone who writes both space opera and SF romance, what are your thoughts on this?

They’re idiots.

In general terms, I find men much more sentimental and frivolous than women (seriously, it’s one of the things I love about them…women are just so damn serious in comparison!), so this view emanating from a bastion of maleness is quite amusing. I suppose they sit around and talk about how butch they are and it all ends up being a self-supporting fantasy, bless their black cotton T-shirts.

A German counter-terrorism expert (back in the days of the monthly airplane hijacks by every secessionist/activist and their pet ferret and the inevitable landings in Munich, Berlin or Beirut; do you remember those, Cora?) used to instruct his teams to shoot the women terrorists first, because they were much more ruthless and focused than the men. If we go back even further, to the Indian and Arab epics and even in Celtic mythology, we see women respected and, to some extent, feared for their unflagging energy, determination and appetites both in, and out of, bed.

Of course, I remember those hijackings, including the bit that the women terrorists were supposedly the most ruthless. The same was said of East German border guards ironically.

With this in mind, the idea of “a man” as some strong, fearless individual with no emotional ties whatsoever and SF as a channel through which strong, fearless men with no character, eternally stoic and aloof, Go Have Adventures is so asinine, it’s laughable. And I can prove it!

Let’s say that a male writer of certain prejudices (and I know their criticisms, and I know the writers, and I’ve read their books) sits down to pen an SF novel. Obviously, the protagonist is a man. The hero only deals with men, usually involving fists or blasters first, followed by a bonding Aldebaran ale between them. His best friend is a man (platonic, of course). Even the (important) aliens he meets are male. The writer tells everybody around him that this isn’t some kind of germ-ridden romance but “real SF”. Well, in that case, shouldn’t the protagonist be a robot?

If the writer is serious about not having anything to do with yucky emotion, about somehow being “above” that, then why write about a human male character at all? But, somehow, we don’t get a robot protagonist, do we, despite the fact that the complete lack of any characterisation would seem to indicate one as the top choice. We get a tall, handsome, self-sufficient human with iron self-control, quicksilver reflexes, an incredibly high pain threshold, and a metabolism that enables him to punch out the villain while  still in the throes of a debilitating space fever while recovering from being riddled with lasers, pumped full of hot shells and suffering the occasional hangnail. Younger (and they’re always younger) women adore him but he ditches them the minute they get needy/hysterical/irrational, while he himself either tups everyone in sight or has to hide himself away lest Teh Sexyness overcomes the entire female population of Deneb VII and they commit mass suicide due to the unassuaged yearnings in their weak, needy loins. Seriously, the only reason we don’t get any romance, or realistic emotion for that matter, in the story is because the hero is already so full of it, there isn’t room for any!

These are the guys who want to keep women away from SF? Give me a break!

11. Space opera has got something of a bad rap in the SF community as escapist and scientifically inaccurate fluff, even though space opera is the subgenre that the regular population most associates with SF. Why do you think is space opera so derided in the SF community? And what can we space opera writers do about it?

Yeah, it’s a bit like Yanni, isn’t it? Nobody admits to buying his concert tickets and yet he’s sold out all over the world! Bwahahaha!

I don’t know how to answer that question. I absolutely adore space opera, and I never listened to anyone who criticised it. It’s as simple as that, I just never listened to anything the critics had to say. The thing is, when you look at the top sellers at Amazon, right now at this moment go on go look!, space opera rules! Okay, a lot of it is Marty Stu stuff — or appears that way — but they’re still hitting the top positions with, for better or worse, fantastic reviews. Under those circumstances, I don’t think space opera writers need to do anything! Instead, I’m more likely to turn around to a critic who derides the genre in front of me (and that’s the only way I’d notice, tbh), and say, “Who the hell are you to say such things? Justify your position”, and see where it goes from there. My thought would be that the wheels would fall off their argument in short order. (Yeah, like Clive Cussler or even Salman Rushdie isn’t escapist. And “scientifically inaccurate”? Go tell Alistair Reynolds!)

12. At the age of ten, I spent four months in Singapore and Malaysia and one of the things I liked most (aside from being able to go swimming whenever I wanted to) was the food. So what’s your favourite Malaysian dish?

LOL. Yeah, you’re right. We put in a small spa pool recently, and I can barely lever the kids out of it on a daily basis!

As for the food, I blogged about this a couple of years ago. I said that one reason I am able to keep my weight more or less stable is because…I don’t eat the food! There are only so many noodle dishes you can face before it palls. And not only is the food incredibly unhealthy and full of sugar (Malaysians have the highest incidence of Type II diabetes in the world), but too much raw produce comes from China. Because it’s cheap, the restaurants of course buy it and so, of course, I try to avoid the restaurants as much as possible. I’m more interested in raw ingredients and there just isn’t a culture here for fresh, top-quality produce. Chicken pieces that are turning green sells! So does meat that has hair and pieces of wood mixed into it! I wouldn’t believe it, except I’ve seen it for myself. I hate my grocery trips because there’s so little of anything of quality to buy. I tackled this issue as well in a blog post  and residents who chimed in agreed with me.

Having said that, when we left California, I missed the Mexican cheeses and ingredients. When we left Australia, I missed the quality and abundance of its meat. In Singapore, when Carrefour still catered for expats, I loved the imported French cheeses (alas!, no more). I daresay when we leave Malaysia, I shall miss some of the local ingredients, such as the different types of sugar (palm, rock, red, etc.) and the abundance of fresh spices. And imported Iranian pistachios are the best I’ve tasted anywhere!

13. Is there anything else you want to tell our readers?

Yes! Here’s my big moment of self-marketing…um…er…nope, my mind’s a blank. I would like to thank you for having me at your blog, though, Cora. It’s always fun being as obnoxious and opinionated as possible! And best of luck with your own venture, Pegasus Pulp!

KS Augustin’s website: www.KSAugustin.com

KS Augustin’s blog: blog.KSAugustin.com

Sandal Press website: www.SandalPressOnline.com

Sandal Press blog: blog.SandalPressOnline.com

Sandal’s Twitter account: @SandalPress

From the first to the eighth of August, Sandal Press will be holding a birthday sale. Every release not already free will be reduced to 99 cents! For one week only! The stores participating are: Amazon, Kobo, OmniLit/AllRomanceEbooks and Smashwords. Thank you.

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