The Hobbit – Reenacted by Christmas Tree Ornaments

Like most everybody else in the geekosphere, my mind was very much on The Hobbit during this recent holiday season. And while decorating the Christmas tree (photos of the result are here), I noticed that we had a whole lot of dwarf ornaments, almost enough to make up for the company of 13 dwarves from The Hobbit. I even found a small ornament which looked very much like Martin Freeman’s interpretation of Bilbo Baggins. “All we’re missing now is Gandalf”, I thought.

Yesterday, while taking down the tree and packing away the ornaments, I came across a white bearded Santa in a long robe who looked very much like Gandalf indeed, so the adventuring party was now complete. So I took a photo of Christmas tree ornaments reenacting The Hobbit.

Christmas tree ornaments representing Hobbit characters

The Hobbit as reenacted by Christmas tree ornaments. In the top row we have Gandalf and Bilbo, in the bottom two rows we have the thirteen dwarves. The dwarf just underneath Bilbo is Thorin Oakenshield. I’ve never been able to tell the others apart.

We’re still missing Gollum and Smaug among others – the closest thing to a dragon I have are a frog prince and Jimminy Cricket. As for Gollum… I really have no idea.

Still, next year I will try to put up my Hobbit adventuring party close to each other.

Posted in General | Tagged , , , | 2 Comments

Tidbits from Elsewhere

I’ve been blogging at my other two blogs today.

At Pegasus Pulp, I compare my experiences ordering print books from Amazon and its German competitor Thalia. So far Amazon wins hands down.

And at the ABC Buhlert site, I discuss the solar power year in review.

Meanwhile, at The Atlantic, James Parker attempts to explain the mystifying appeal of Downton Abbey. Now my dislike for Downton Abbey is well known. I’m not a fan of the current nostalgia trend in British TV in general and Downton Abbey is one of the least interesting examples of the trend. Stuff like The Paradise and Call the Midwife is at least somewhat entertaining and the characters are not stuck-up aristocrats and their equally stuck-up servants, but Downton Abbey is just dull as dishwater and the characters are so unlikable you hope an exploding gas pipe levels the house and all its inhabitants. Lots of nasty prejudice at display, too, e.g. the gay footman is of course the villain. But apparently the rest of the world does not agree with me, for Downton Abbey is the biggest hit since whenever. So I’m very happy to read an article by someone else who does not like the show and is mystified by its appeal. I mean, 99 percent of the Downton Abbey fans are exactly the sort of people who are despised by the show and its characters. And all the American viewers seem to have completely missed the dismissive attitude towards Americans in the show.

I love the title of the Atlantic article BTW: “Brideshead Regurgitated“. Though personally, I’d rather classify Downton Abbey as Upstairs, Downstairs Regurgitated.

Posted in Links, TV | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Reflections on the Lower Saxony State Elections and some SF Links

First of all, my internet still works. Well, sort of, at any rate. For at the moment I can only access the Internet via my laptop and netbook and not via my dsktop PC. That requires a fix that will be bought tomorrow.

More from the department of things that don’t work as advertised, there will be a state election in Lower Saxony, where I live, at the end of January. Now I never know who to vote for in Lower Saxony state elections, because Lower Saxony seems to have some of the worst politicians of the country, regardless of party affiliation. However, I still want to exercise my right to vote, which is why I was a little alarmed that I still hadn’t received my voter card yet and neither had my neighbours. And since I seem to be having an issue with missing or late mail (including a parcel which took an inordinarily long time to arrive and an Amazon royalty cheque), I decided to call the townhall. The lady there was very apologetic and told me that there had been a problem with many voter cards not reaching their destination and that they had printed and sent out new cards to all voters in our district. Maybe they shouldn’t hire obscure private firms to mail out voter cards next time.

Talking of the Lower Saxony state elections, I just ran the respective Wahl-O-Mat, an online tool which offers you a number of points, asks you if you agree or disagree or don’t care, and then tells you how close your choices are to the various parties on offer. It was initially designed to give first time voters a quick overview and I often recommend it to my students for that purpose. Go ahead and give it a whirl, even if you’re neither German nor from Lower Saxony. If nothing else, it will give you some insight on where you’d stand in German politics. I always find it interesting to do this for other countries, e.g. my ideal US presidential candidates are usually oddballs I’ve never heard of and the British equivalent once suggested that the best fit for me was the Scottish National Party.

I mostly find that Wahl-O-Mat surprisingly accurately predicts which party I will end up voting for. In the few cases it was off, the reason was largely dislike for a particular party or candidate. In Lower Saxony case, my two top results were also the two parties I was considering voting for anyway. Of course, neither has a particularly good chance of making the five percent hurdle, but if I were to stick only to parties certain to make it into the state parliament, I’d be limited to only three choices, neither of which I like.

And now for some SF-nal Links:

At the Chronicle of Higher Education, Camille Paglia argues that George Lucas is the greatest artist of our time. Even as a lifelong Star Wars fan, I don’t agree with her, but she does make some interesting points, particularly by pointing out that Lucas’ artistry lies mainly in the visual and sensual aspects of filmmaking.

At Locus Online, Cory Doctorow has an interesting theory about what happens when fictional characters come to life in the minds of writers and readers/viewers. He also manages to come up with an explanation for the drive to write fanfiction, while he’s at it.

At the SFWA blog, Athena Andreadis offer a list of great classic (i.e. older than twenty years) SF that provides an alternative to the same old, same old (see the results of the Locus poll I discussed yesterday) and includes a lot more women and writers of colour.

Posted in General, Links | Tagged , , , , , | 1 Comment

Three Links and Two Plugs

I’m still here for now. The big (or not so big) switchover will happen later today. I hope there won’t be any service interruptions here, though I managed to get the year’s first two translation jobs out of the door just in case the internet fails on me.

And now for some links:

Tor.com has an appreciation of Isaac Asimov on the occasion of what would likely (since Asimov did not know his exact birthdate) be his 92nd birthday.

Isaac Asimov also features quite prominently in the results of Locus Online‘s recent poll about the best SF and fantasy works of the 20th and 21st century. The 20th century results are heavily weighted towards the classics of the genre, but not all that controversial. Meanwhile, the 21st century results leave me scratching my head. So John Scalzi’s Old Man’s War is the best SF novel of the 21st century to date? Really? And Paolo Bacigalupi’s The Wind-Up Girl is still voted the third best SF novel of the 21st century to date, in spite of all the well-documented issues with the novel? Meanwhile, there are very few woman writers on any of the lists. Writers of colour don’t fare very well either. And urban fantasy is apparently not fantasy, unless written by Neil Gaiman. In short, the results say more about Locus‘ core readership than about the best SF and fantasy of the 20th and 21st centuries.

The New Yorker has an overview about the juiciest literary feuds of 2012. The annual Günther Grass uproar is of course included, though I wonder whether The New Yorker couldn’t find a photo of Grass that was taken sometime in the past forty years, cause the one that illustrates the article is ancient. They misrepresent the Dave Eggers thing as well, because Günther Grass is only tangentially involved with the Günther Grass foundation and the Albatross award. So Eggers did not snub Grass (not that Grass would have cared – he likes stirring up shit), but instead snubbed the awards organizers, jurors, bookstores, etc… by canceling his appearance at the last minute and he snubbed his own translator, because the Albatross award is given for a work translated into German and split between author and translator. And trust me, you do not want to snub your translator.

Plus, they missed Christopher Priest versus the Clarke Awards, even though that dust-up was a lot more amusing than the annual “Günther Grass pisses off someone” go-around.

Finally, here are two plugs for worthy projects:

Book Matchers is a search engine which allows you to enter all sorts of parameters and then recommends you a bunch of books (mostly indie so far) which matches those parameters.

Like many other German children and teens I loved Tamara Ramsay’s fantasy classic Die wunderbahren Fahrten und Abenteuer der kleinen Dott when I found it at the school library years ago. Now Malve von Hassel has translated this classic novel into English. Rennefarre: Dott’s Wonderful Travels and Adventures is available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble and Kobo and likely elsewhere.

Posted in Books | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

First Linkdump of the New Year

First of all, my internet provider is switching me over to a faster connection this Friday. I don’t know how smooth that switchover will be, so don’t be alarmed if I go offline for a few days.

And now for some links:

WordPress has prepared a report about the activity of this blog in 2012. Go here to read it.

Vulture wonders why romantic comedies keep bombing at the box office and ask a bunch of studio executives. The answer include such silly theories as “Well, Americans are getting married later [at the biblically high ages of 26 and 28 respectively, which would be at the lower edge of marriage ages in most of Europe] and they no longer believe in true love, so they refuse to watch romantic comedies.” Yeah, that’s the reason why romance novels are failing to find readers – oh, wait!

A couple of the people interviewed come close to hitting upon the true reasons, namely that studios don’t like romantic comedies because they don’t offer the potential for sequels and because they appeal mainly to women. Because the ugly truth is that the major Hollywood studios killed the genre themselves by treating its overwhelmingly female audience with condescension (“Women will watch anything”), putting out formulaic crap and adding all sorts of gross-out humor to appeal to male viewers. Oh yes and “attractive and successful woman ends up with Seth Rogen/Kevin James/Adam Sandler” is no woman’s romantic fantasy, even though Mssrs Rogen, James and Sandler are talented actors.

Canadian fantasy writer C.P.D. Harris has two great connected posts about unjust or just plain evil systems as villains, using Les Miserables and the character of Javert as an example.

I found these posts very interesting, particularly since I’m in the process of writing a series of SF novellas set against the backdrop of the great galactic revolution against the evil Empire™. I’ve always been a sucker for SF stories about overthrowing evil systems to the point that “includes a revolution against some kind of evil system” was once a core genre requirement for me. And of course, I’ve long wanted to write my own, though the epic SF saga complete with revolution to expel the evil elements of the great galactic empire that I started in my teens isn’t really salvagable for a number of reasons.

Besides, there is the problem that once you’ve hit your early twenties, probably mid twenties in a quiet time in global politics, you can’t really believe in the idea of a great revolution that solves every problem and wipes away all injustices anymore, because by that time you’ve seen too many real world revolutions fail in all sorts of nasty manners. I’ve long been interested in how other writers deal with that dilemma, particularly since the great revolution is still a core plot of our genre. Most of the solutions aren’t very satisfying, because they either ignore the problem or the ending is so bleak that you want to slit your wrists afterwards.

Posted in Film, Links, Writing | Tagged , , , , | 4 Comments

New Year’s Day 2013 and a Mad Santa House

The new year started with rain and truly miserable weather. Like every year, we visited some friends of my parents who live in Teufelsmoor (devil’s moor), a bog region north of Bremen. We had lunch at a really good Greek restaurant in the village of Sandhausen and afterwards coffee in the restored farmhouse, which is the home of the people we visited.

I was feeling out of sorts all day and the miserable weather and constant rain didn’t help either. I did take my camera along, though I didn’t get around to taking any moorland photos, because the weather was simply too bad. And considering that the Teufelsmoor is a bog and the people we visited live in a very secluded location accessible only via an unpaved driveway, the entire area turned very muddy very quickly. Teufelsmoor is actually quite nice, when the weather is better. Though I’m “moored out” for at least a couple of months now, since I spent way too much time at Teufelsmoor as a child and can now only tolerate the place in very small doses. Though I’d like to roam the moors again in summer, since all of my good Teufelsmoor memories involve slipping away and roaming the moors on my own.

Though I do have a photo today. Well, actually I have more than one, but I don’t think that the friends of my parents are all that interesting to the readers of this blog.

But on the way home, I chanced to drive past a house that was excessively decorated with Christmas lights. Now decorating your house with lots of Christmas lights is not all that common in Germany, largely because the energy costs are so high that extensive Christmas lighting would really cut into your budget.

We do get the occasional all out decorations, but it’s uncommon. And unlike the US, where even extensive and multi-coloured Christmas lights still manage to look pretty (see the blog of my pal R. Doug Wicker for some gorgeous examples), the German examples usually tend to look somewhat haphazard and tacky, as if a DIY store vomitted its entire Christmas department onto a random suburban house.

I tend to call these excessively decorated houses Christmas Apocalypses or Mad Santa Houses. And today I drove past a prime example, a house where everything was blinking and flashing in a riot of multi-coloured lights.

Mad Santa House

Mad Santa House with way too many Christmas lights.

Posted in General, Personal | Tagged , , , , , | 4 Comments

New Year’s Night 2012/2013

The new year started here in Western and central Europe a couple of hours ago.

I no longer do the party thing or the standing around on the market square watching fireworks thing (been there, done that), so I celebrated by watching Dinner For One on TV. Afterwards, I went to a local Italian restaurant with my parents. They had a set menu this year. I’m normally not a fan of set menus, because they usually have too much meat for my taste. However, this one was really good. There was a small antipasto platter, followed by spaghetti with pesto and parmesan, followed by pork medallions with rosemary potatoes and spicy tomato sauce and finally a slice of tiramisu.

At the restaurant, I ran into two former students of mine, boyfriend and girlfriend. Still together, too, after approx. one and a half years, which is a lot for teens. They were having dinner with what I assume was the girl’s family (it certainly wasn’t the boy’s family). I said “Hello” and wished them a happy new year and otherwise left them alone. Kids are generally embarrassed to run into teachers outside school. I guess they secretly believe that teacher’s sleep in the school and hang like vampire bats from the rafters by night. Meeting a teacher outside school shatters that illusion.

“What a cute couple”, my Mom said. “Try spending an hour with her in the classroom, preferably an afternoon class, and we’ll talk again”, I said to her, “Though he was always a nice and quiet student.”

Afterwards, we went to my parents’, had some champagne and watched a bit of the big party at the Brandenburg Gate on TV. Shockingly, my Dad has never seen the Gangnam Style video. My Mom had no idea who the hosts, a pair of newcomers called Joko and Klaas, were, even though the pair of them seem to be on every second TV show or commercial lately. “I don’t watch that sort of thing”, my Mom said. “Well, I don’t watch it either, but since the guys are everywhere, you cannot escape them.” It also turned out that my parents have never heard the annoying Ma Cherie song by one DJ Antoine and were quite offended when I muted the sound, when the song came on. My students were playing that song all the time this summer. Every break there was “Ma Cherie” playing on someone’s iPod or phone to the point that merely hearing the song makes me want to smash something. Kind of amazing that my parents totally managed to miss that song, but then I guess no one over the age of 18 actually listened to it. I also wonder whether my own teachers had similarly violent urges at hearing Life is live or 99 Luftballons or Skandal im Sperrbezirk (unintentionally funny, when sung by pre-teens, because it’s a song about phone sex) or Keine Sterne in Athen or Samantha Fox’s Touch me, I wanna feel your body, all of which were played to death at some point during my childhood and teens. Actually I still can’t stand Keine Sterne in Athen and some other novelty songs of the period, since I heard them once too often. Though I can still sing along with most Neue Deutsche Welle hits of the early 1980s.

At midnight, we set off some fireworks. There were more fireworks than usual in my parents’ neighbourhood this year. Two brothers living a bit down the street from my parents proudly told me that they had 500 firecrackers between the two of them. There also were a lot more of those multi-shot firework batteries in the area. They’re really gorgeous to look at, though I wouldn’t waste twenty Euros on something like that.

I’ll a “year in review” post some time in the next few days. But for now, have some photos. Not of fireworks, since I never manage to shoot fireworks with my camera, but some nice miscellany.

First of all, for all those who want to know what the oversize load truck and heavy cargo traverse from Friday’s adventure actually look like, here’s a photo my Dad took during the unloading: Continue reading →

Posted in Personal, Work | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Between the Years Linkdump

At The Guardian, Emma Brockes rants about the flood of Fifty Shades of Grey knock-offs. Personally, I don’t mind the Fifty Shades style covers at all. At least they look classy, which is a big step up considering what erotic romance and straight erotica covers used to look like (and often still look like). Though I’m really sick of the glut of billionaire BDSM erotica that is flooding bookstore tables everywhere, since I don’t find the scenario the least bit appealing.

While on the subject of book covers, the Cover Café has posted the results of this year’s contest for the best holiday romance cover. My comments are quoted, though my choice landed in second to last place. But then I know that my tastes are out of touch with those of the majority of romance readers. And indeed my favourite Christmas romance cover this year is this very understated cover for the YA holiday romance anthology Let it snow.

YA fantasy writer Susan Kaye Quinn has a good post on the differences between productivity and production capacity and why it is as important to feed the muse as just getting the words down.

The Guardian reports that Peter Parker will be switching bodies with the dying Doctor Octopus in the final issue of The Amazing Spider-Man, whereupon Peter Parker’s mind will die in Doctor Octopus’ body, leaving Doctor Octopus as Spider-Man. It’s comics, so nothing is really irreversible (plus Spider-Man is the series that cancelled its main characters marriage after almost twenty years in real time and killed off Peter Parker in the “doesn’t quite count” Ultimate universe), but looks like Marvel is jumping the shark – again.

There have been a bunch of notable deaths in the real world, too. Actor Jack Klugman, best known to generations (because the show is always being rerun somewhere) for playing the grouchy medical examiner in Quincy ME, died on Christmas Eve aged 90. Without Quincy and Jack Klugman’s portrayal of him making forensic pathology cool, we would probably never have had the various CSIs, Silent Witness, Crossing Jordan, Body of Proof, Bones, The Body Farm and any of the many other TV shows about forensics experts. British TV producer Gerry Anderson, the creator of beloved shows such as Thunderbirds, Supercar, Stingray, Space 1999 and UFO died on Boxing Day aged 83. And German born NASA engineer Jesco von Puttkamer died aged 79.

The Golden Globe nominations were announced some time ago. I don’t really have anything to say about this, because I haven’t seen any of the nominated films or TV shows nor am I likely to see them, because nothing there interests me. I guess I’m vastly out of touch with the current tastes of American audiences. Well, there’s nothing new there. Though am I the only one who finds it depressing that Kathryn Bigelow has gone from director who made interesting films like Point Break or Strange Days to filmic chronicler of the Afghanistan/Iraq/War on Terror?

Posted in Books, Comics, Links, Writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

On the Road with an Oversize Load Truck

Yesterday evening I had something of an unusual adventure, because I found myself travelling with an oversize cargo truck.

The background is that over the past few weeks my Dad was very busy overseeing the building of a heavy cargo traverse. A traverse is basically a sturdy steelbeam that is placed between one or more cranes and the actual cargo. This one is used to allow two cranes to operate together and lift heavier loads than each could lift alone. Here’s a photo of a similar system by the same manufacturer.

This particular traverse needs to be in the harbour of Bremerhaven in early January, because it is needed aboard a ship to transport components for offshore wind turbines. Alas, the actual assembly was done in Cuxhaven, some 45 kilometers away. So basically the traverse had to be transported from Cuxhaven to Bremerhaven to be on site when the ship comes in.

Normally, this wouldn’t be much of a problem, it’s just 45 kilometers after all. However, this particular cargo traverse has been designed to carry loads of up to 650 tons, which means that it is a very heavy (approx. 60 tons) and very long (approx. 24 meters) piece of equipment. This puts it in the oversize (and overweight) load category, which means that the traverse may only be transported by a special heavy cargo truck with an escort vehicle and police escort. And because oversize load transports tend to impede traffic, they may only be carried out on a weekday by night. A special permit is needed as well.

Since the traverse was finished just before Christmas, is needed in early January and there are two weekends and five public holidays (Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Boxing Day, New Year’s Eve, New Year’s Day) inbetween, where oversize load transports are not possible, the window for transporting the traverse was very narrow. Basically, that window was Thursday night.

So my Dad drove to Cuxhaven (which is approx. 130 kilometers away) on Thursday evening to oversee the loading and transport. Alas, there was a problem with the truck, which could not be fixed that night, so the transport had to be postponed to Friday night (with special permission, because Friday night counts as weekends). Because my Dad had slept very little the night before, worked on Friday and then had to go out to Cuxhaven again on Friday evening, he asked me if I could come along and take over some of the driving. And that’s how I ended up on this trip.

Cuxhaven, Steubenhöft

We reached Cuxhaven at the appointed time, only to be informed by the truck driver that the police, which did a safety inspection and provided an escort for part of the way, would only arrive one and a half hours late. By now I really needed a bathroom break. Alas, we were stuck in an industrial part of Cuxhaven harbour late in the evening with no toilets in sight.

Since we still had time to kill, we drove deeper into the harbour to the so-called Steubenhöft pier, the old passenger terminal dating from the golden age of the ocean liner. Since there aren’t all that many passenger ships in Cuxhaven anymore (mostly ferries and the occasional cruise liner), the old customs building and the halls that once housed emigrants bound for America and their luggage have long since been converted into a museum. It’s nowhere near as big and impressive as Bremerhaven’s emigration museum (Bremerhaven always got the lion’s share of the emigration business and the emigration museum is really great), but it’s quite neat. And of course people whose ancestors emigrated via Cuxhaven are not all that well served by a museum in Bremerhaven. Here’s the official site of the Cuxhaven emigration museum and here are a few photos.

However, while the museum is usually busy by day, it is completely deserted by night. There’s a restaurant on the second floor of the former customs building, but otherwise the entire area was dark. “There should be a toilet here”, said my Dad. “Probably”, said I, “But the place looks closed.” So I tried a door and found it closed. I tried a second door and – miracle of miracles – that one opened. Lights came on automatically, illuminating some photos of emigrants from the early years of the 20th century. We went up the stairs and found ourselves inside the exhibition, where once again the lights came on automatically. And honestly, you don’t have to be Ben Stiller to find deserted museums by night extremely creepy.

We went up further to the restaurant on the second floor, assuming that if there was an open toilet somewhere in the building, it had to be here. And indeed we found one. Because we still had time to kill and it was really cold outside, we had some coffee and tea in the restaurant, overlooking the mouth of the river Elbe. Or rather, we would have overlooked the river Elbe, if it had been daylight. But since it was night, you could see nothing except for a bit of black water below and some lights in the distance. One ship went past, a dredger keeping the navigation channel of the Elbe estuary free and heading out to deposit the sludge dredged up in the North Sea.

Down Highway 27

After 45 minutes or so we returned to the truck and waited some more. I got out my trusty notebook and wrote a poem as well as a bit of an SF novella I’m working on. I should have taken along my new e-reader – it would have been perfect for this.

The police escort finally arrived at around the appointed time. They checked the transport permit and the safety of the truck (since there had been problems the night before) and then we were off. The police car went first, followed by the oversize load truck, followed by the escort vehicle from the trucking company and finally us, making up the rear. The police car escorted us to highway 27, from where on we were on our own. Since the oversize load is overlong and overweight, but not overwide, it can be transported across the highway without a police escort.

Now highway 27 has to be one of the dullest highways in Germany. It meets highway 7 at the town of Walsrode just North of Hannover. Then it cuts through a whole lot of nothing – so much nothing that there even the exits are more than twenty kilometers apart at points, because there is nothing to exit to – on its way to Bremen. There’s literally nothing on the Walsrode-Bremen lag except for the town of Verden and four amusement parks, all of which I have had the dubious pleasure to visit (they’re popular destinations for school and family trips. It might seem odd to put no less than four amusement parks into a whole lot of nothing, but it actually makes sense, because this whole lot of nothing is situated directly between the cities of Hamburg, Bremen and Hannover with some three million inhabitants altogether (five to six million, if you count the respective metro regions) and also near the Lüneburger Heide, which is a popular tourist destination. Once it reaches Bremen, highway 27 crosses highway 1 and cuts past Bremen on the North side. This part of highway 27 is the oldest and was still built during the Third Reich, while the Walsrode – Bremen lag was built in the 1950s/1960s and the Bremen – Bremerhaven lag was built sometime in the early 1970s. Once highway 27 has crossed the river Lesum and left Bremen behind, it moves through another whole lot of nothing towards Bremerhaven and then through yet another whole lot of nothing towards Cuxhaven, where it just ends. On the Bremerhaven/Cuxhaven lag, there aren’t even any amusement parks – unless you count the aviation museum at Nordholz (which is pretty neat – they have a lot of Zeppelin memorablia and a Zeppelin simulator) – just lots of fields and wind turbines.

Travelling along highway 27 is dull enough by day, but by night, when the wind turbines have been reduced to blinking red lights, it’s even duller. Outside the Bremen, Bremerhaven and Cuxhaven areas, there’s not a whole lot of traffic either and there’s even less by night. So our little convoy was unlikely to bother anybody.

We drove a couple of hundred meters behind the truck and the escort vehicle, because spending an our behind the steadily flashing lights of the escort vehicle is pretty annoying. Besides, it’s not as if the truck is easy to lose, considering you can see the flashing from miles away.

The Mystery of the Red Van

Soon after we hit the highway in Cuxhaven, a dark red van overtook us only to stick behind the escort vehicle for the entire 45 kilometer trip to Cuxhaven. We found this odd – why didn’t the van overtake the slow moving truck? “Well, he’s probably scared”, I said, “Though I wonder why, considering the highway is empty.” “Perhaps the van belongs to the transport company”, my Dad suggested.

Just outside Bremerhaven, all of us – truck, escort vehicle, red van and us – stopped at a highway rest area to wait for the police escort to take us the rest of the way into Bremerhaven. By now we noticed that the red van’s license plates hailed from a different town than those of the truck and escort vehicles. More interestingly, the drivers of the truck and escort vehicle had no idea who was in the red van – it certainly didn’t belong to them.

Still the red van waited along with all of us until the Bremerhaven police escort arrived. Then it started up and finally did overtake escort vehicle, truck and police car and sped off to places unknown.

Who was in the red van and why the strange behaviour? I have no idea, though my writer’s brain has no problem coughing up theories. Maybe it was a couple of environmental activist pissed off about oversize load transports driving outside the normal transport times who hit upon a oversize load transport and decided to document this transgression by following the transport around. That’s actually the most logical theory, since that’s exactly the sort of thing the more pedantic and annoying of environmentalists would do. Or maybe it was a private detective who had been hired by a jealous wife to keep either the truck driver or the escort vehicle driver under surveillance and make sure that they really were working? Or maybe it was the jealous wife herself, who didn’t buy the “Honey, I have to work” excuse? Or maybe whoever was inside the van was being pursued by someone else and only felt safe near the oversize load convoy? Or maybe it was simply the oversize load equivalent of a trainspotter? Whatever, it’s a mystery.

Through Bremerhaven harbour

Once the Bremerhaven police escort arrived, they checked the transport permit and the truck safety again, which did seem rather redundant by this point. Then we were off again. “We’ll probably leave the highway by the waste incineration plant [which is one of the very few illuminated buildings along this stretch of highway]”, my Dad said. Alas, the police escort had other ideas and so the whole convoy left the highway at the next exit. “That’s strange”, my Dad said, “Cause it means we’ll have to drive through the entire harbour.”

I suspect that the police wanted to keep the transport out of residential areas and so chose the harbour route. However, the harbour route had its own share of problems. First of all, it meant passing through customs (harbours are actually foreign territory from a tax and customs POV), which isn’t any problem at all when you drive a car. However, when you drive a truck with a 24-meter-long traverse, it becomes a problem, because you need a stamped document from the customs officers that this cargo is not about to be exported/imported and that no duties and tariffs are levied. Which took a while.

Once we had passed customs, there was another delay, because the swing bridge in the harbour was open to let four tugboats pass. The police escort also had to chase away some of the cars waiting on the other side, so the truck could pass. Meanwhile, we were collecting a long line of cars behind us, because an oversize load truck may not be overtaken inside the city limits – too dangerous.

We took the scenic route through Bremerhaven harbour, which is a lot busier than Cuxhaven, even by night. We saw a drill ship lying at the pier and a couple of freighters. We drove past lots where the components for the giant offshore windturbines were piled up, waiting to be transported to the wind parks out in the North Sea. And we drove past the coolest part of Bremerhaven’s harbour, the vehicle terminal.

Now Bremerhaven is the main transshipment port for vehicles in Germany and all of Europe. And the vehicle terminal is really something else. Imagine giant lots and giant multi-storey car-parks, full of brand new cars that have either come in from the Far East or the US or brand new German cars (Volkswagen, BMW, Mercedes, Porsche – all the good stuff) waiting to be exported to customers abroad. There’s also more exotic stuff. We passed a whole lot full of sparkling new tractors – New Holland by the looks of them – and another lot full of dredgers. I spotted some combine harvesters, too. Sometimes, you get locomotives and whole trains, but I didn’t see any today. There were a couple of busses as well. Mostly German Setra busses and – to my infinite surprise – three yellow American schoolbusses. I guess they’re being imported as novelty vehicles, since I cannot imagine what anybody would want with them otherwise. Three giant RoRo vehicle transporters were moored at the pier, while brand new cars were zipping into and out of the bellies of the giant vessels and shooting across ramps to their appointed spots in the carparks and lots. Meanwhile, more vehicles were being loaded onto freight trains for transport to their final destination.

Bremerhaven’s vehicle terminal is the ideal place to shoot a big car chase scene with dozens of vehicles and lots of explosions. Have someone like John Woo or Robert Rodriguez shoot it, though action concept would do just as well. Probably better, since few people do better car chases than action concept. Radio Bremen actually did shoot some scenes for the crime series Tatort at the Bremerhaven vehicle terminal a while back, but that one didn’t have a car chase, probably because the usual Tatort audience would probably die of shock, when exposed to a car chase.

The vehicle terminal didn’t pose much of a problem to our oversize load transport. However, the Kaiserschleuse lock (the German names means “Imperial lock”, because it was built in the days of old Kaiser Wilhelm II) did. Because the road across the sluice gate is pretty narrow and has sharp curves at both ends. As a result, our 24-meter-long (plus driver’s cabin) oversize load truck promptly got stuck. The police car blocked off the far end, the escort vehicle and we blocked off our end, much to the annoyance of the many, many impatient drivers behind us, while the driver of the escort vehicle got out to instruct the truck driver. Some of the truck wheels can be remote controlled, which is pretty helpful in situations like this.

It took approx. ten minutes for the truck to cross the sluicegate. On the last 500 meters of our trip, the truck had to pass a spot where the road was narrowed due to construction work and then needed another couple of minutes to manoeuvre onto the yard of the company which bought the traverse. By now, the drivers of the cars and trucks behind us were stewing. At least, the drivers of the cars were stewing – truck drivers tend to be more tolerant, since they know the issue. Then the drivers parked the truck (the unloading of the traverse was done today) and said good night. All in all, the 45 kilometer trip between Cuxhaven and Bremerhaven took one and a half hours.

Afterwards, we drove through the old harbour with its museum ships (including the submarine Wilhelm Bauer and the clipper Seute Deern) and past the Bremerhaven emigration museum, the new climate museum and the Columbus Center Mall, which is my choice for holing up during the zombie apocalypse, cause it’s a massive slab of concrete built to withstand an atom bomb (just keep away from the climate museum and the Mediterraneo mall – too much glass). Besides, zombie don’t like water and the submarine allows for exploratory trips. And the nearby vehicle terminal allows for borrowing all the vehicles you could possibly want.

Crap, now I want to write a zombie apocalypse film set in Bremerhaven, featuring people holed up in the Columbus Center, car chases (with zombies!) at the vehicle terminal and a trip with the Wilhelm Bauer submarine. Radio Bremen, are you listening?

We stopped once more for gas and then drove home. I was home at a quarter to twelve.

Posted in General, Work | Tagged , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Christmas 2012

Our Christmas was wet, mild and quiet. My uncle came for lunch on Christmas Day, otherwise we were among ourselves.

We had a minor uproar, when my Dad incinerated a mincemeat tart. My parents had bought a package of mincemeat tarts and a jar of brandy butter. The mincemeat tarts came in aluminum foil cups, which had to be removed before heating them in a microwave. While peeling off the aluminum foil cups, one of the tarts broke apart, so I set it aside and put the remaining tarts onto a plate to heat them in the microwave. A bit later, my Dad announced that he was going to fix the broken tart. He took off into the cellar (my parents’ microwave is in the basement – don’t ask). “Don’t forget to remove the foil”, I called after him. After a few minutes, there was a pang and a nasty smell from downstairs. Turns out that my Dad did forget to remove the foil and promptly incinerated the tart. Luckily, no real damage was done and we still had enough tarts left over to eat.

And now for some photos: Continue reading →

Posted in Personal | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments