It’s time for another Masters-of-the-Universe-Piece Theatre photo story. The name “Masters-of-the-Universe-Piece Theatre” was coined by Kevin Beckett at the Whetstone Discord server.
I took most of the photos for this story some time ago, but never got around to posting them. At the time, I had just gotten the Masterverse version of Mekaneck, who must certainly be one of the stranger Masters of the Universe characters, which in a universe full of strange characters is certainly saying something. For you see, Mekaneck’s power is that he can stretch his neck. Yes, really, that’s what he does. He stretches his neck. In fact, he’s billed as the “Heroic Human Periscope” on packaging, going all the way back to his introduction in 1984. For more about the vintage Mekaneck action figure, go here.
What inspired me to finally post this story was the news that actor James Wilkinson has been cast as Mekaneck in the upcoming Masters of the Universe live action movie. This news caused something of a stir, because a) no one expected to ever see a weird character like Mekaneck in a Masters of the Universe movie, especially since Mekaneck hasn’t been seen on screen for more than twenty years, i.e. since the 2002 cartoon – both Masters of the Universe Revelation/Revolution and the CGI He-Man cartoon chose not to include Mekaneck – and b) James Wilkinson is an attractive man and no one ever expected Mekaneck of all people to be hot – he is the dude with the stretching neck, after all.
As with many characters, Mekaneck’s backstory is all over the place in the different iterations of Masters of the Universe. The one thing that’s consistent is that he is a member of the Heroic Warriors. The mini-comics never gave Mekaneck an origin story, as far as I recall. He just suddenly pops up as a members of the Heroic Warriors fighting alongside He-Man.
The Filmation cartoon, however, did give Mekaneck an origin story. Here, Mekaneck is a single Dad (at any rate, we never meet a Mrs. Mekaneck) and has an approximately ten-year-old son called Philip, who is a gifted flutist. One day, Mekaneck and Philip are having a picnic in the woods and get caught up in a violent storm. Philip is blown away by the wind and Mekaneck is badly injured while trying to rescue him. Man-at-Arms finds the injured Mekaneck and takes him to the palace to treat his injuries, giving him his expanding neck in the process. Much as I love Duncan, his medical skills are questionable. That said, Mekaneck is yet another example for the fact that many Masters of the Universe characters both good and evil are disabled and that their assistive devices are the source of their abilities. As a kid, I never really grasped this, because much like the disabled people in my day to day life, the disabled Masters of the Universe characters just were who they were*. As an adult, the sheer number of disabled characters in Masters of the Universe is stunning, especially for a property developed in the 1980s.
Grateful for his rescue, Mekaneck stays at the palace and joins the Royal Guard. However, Philip never reappears, even though his father never stops looking for him. Then, several years later, Philip does show up again – only that he has lost his memory and is being used by the evil Sorcerer Count Marzo to help him rob law-abiding Eternians. Of course, Marzo gets his comeuppance and father and son are reunited.
It’s a memorable episode and gives Mekaneck more backstory than supporting characters usually got in the Filmation cartoon. The fact that Mekaneck is a Dad is also unusual, since except for Duncan and Randor, none of the Heroic Warriors have kids, not even confirmed straight characters like Stratos, who has a wife (though he does have a son named Atmos and an unnamed daughter in the German audio plays). Man-e-Faces has an unnamed daughter in the German audio dramas as well, which have their own continuity, but his origin story is also completely different there, which suggests that his daughter doesn’t exist in the prime continuity.
Sadly, Philip is never mentioned again, though the villain Count Marzo appears several times in the Filmation cartoon. Though an artistocrat and therefore theoretically privileged, he turns to crime to finance his lifestyle and inevitably exploits children to aid him in his life of crime, keeping them compliant with drugs, magic and threats. In short, he is a walking, talking public service announcement about the dangers of drugs and strangers, who nonetheless managed to be a fascinating character.
Mekaneck did appear in the German audio dramas and advertising magazines, where his characterisation is completely different. For starters, in the advertising magazines, he is billed as “the galactic spy” and is apparently an astronaut. In the audio dramas, Mekaneck is also a braggart who keeps referring to himself as a “the winning type”. Spoiler alert, he inveitably gets his comeuppance. Audio Mekaneck is very memorable due to the great performance of voice actor Douglas Welbat, but his characterisation is also completely at odds with any other version of the character.
Mekaneck reappears in the 2002 He-Man and the Masters of the Universe cartoon as a member of the Heroic Warriors. He is a member of Captain Randor’s squad and is first seen fighting Keldor and his troops at the Hall of Wisdom. This means that like most of the Heroic Warriors, Mekaneck is of the generation of Randor and Duncan and therefore considerably older than Adam and Teela. Filmation Mekaneck was older than Adam and Teela as well, but younger than Randor or Duncan.
2002 Mekaneck can stretch his neck to much more epic proportions than ever before and he can also twist and turn it. His neck is bionic, though we never really learn how he came by his abilities, though according to fan historian Jukka Issakainen, the series bible for the 2002 cartoon reveals that Mekaneck received his abilities in response to a devastating battlefield neck injury, much like in the Filmation cartoon. If 2002 Mekaneck has children, we never see them. Unlike his German audio counterpart, 2002 Mekaneck is very self-conscious and suffers from low self-esteem, because his abilities are a little rubbish, something that Teela with her customary bluntness even says to his face. His low self-esteem coupled with the fear that Duncan’s latest invention – a kind of X-ray device that can see through objects – will make the one thing Mekaneck is good at, namely reconnaissance, superfluous make Mekaneck easy prey for his old nemesis Count Marzo.
It’s interesting that the 2002 cartoon chose to keep Count Marzo as Mekaneck’s archenemy, even though the entire subplot of Marzo kidnapping Mekaneck’s kid is never mentioned. Count Marzo is also a very different character in the 2002 cartoon. He’s still a powerful sorcerer, but that’s about the only thing about him that the 2002 cartoon kept from the Filmation version of the character. Whereas the Filmation Count Marzo looked like William Shakespeare’s evil twin, the 2002 Count Marzo speaks with an East Europoean accent, has red eyes, long black hair that dramatically blows in the wind and struts around mostly bare-chested with a cape that also dramatically blows in the wind (the 2002 cartoon was big on things blowing dramatically in the wind). He no longer peddles drugs or recruits children for his nefarious schemes, but instead tries to conquer Eternia with the help of his monstrous hellhounds and the considerable powers bestowed upon him by a magical amulet. He is eventually captured by Miro (who is Captain rather than King Miro in this version) and his troops. The Council of Elders, who rule Eternia in this version of the story before pissing off to parts unknown, leaving Randor in charge, strip Marzo of his powers and take away his magical amulet, which turns Marzo into a withered old man and his hellhounds into rats. Unfortunately, old man Marzo looks like an Anti-Semitic stereotype that’s so offensive that I wonder how anybody thought this was acceptable as late as 2002.
The Anti-Semitic caricature version of Count Marzo finds Mekaneck who is drowning in self-pity and asks him to retrieve his magical amulet, which the Council of Elders hid in a labyrinthine cave. In return, Marzo promises Mekaneck to use his magic to give him more useful powers. Mekaneck agrees and uses his expanding neck to fetch the amulet, but of course Marzo has no intention to keep his part of the bargain and promptly tries to conquer Eternia again. However, the repentant Mekaneck saves the day and Marzo is stripped off his powers once again. He reappears a few times throughout the series, recruited by Skeletor and later Evil-Lyn to aid them in their nefarious schemes, though he always remains his own man.
The 2002 incarnation of Count Marzo received an action figure in the Masters of the Universe Classics line, which I got for a good price. Marzo also appears in the Classics mini-comics where he is the power that orchestrates the civil war known as “the Great Unrest”, which is mentioned a few times in the 2002 cartoon (in general, the Classics storyline stuck quite closely to the 2002 cartoon). Once again, Miro, now King again, and his sons Randor and Keldor meet Marzo and his army of Shadowbeasts in battle. Marzo is eventually defeated, but not before he opens an interdimensional portal to the evil dimension of Despondos and throws Miro in. This causes a rift between Randor and his half-brother Keldor and leads to even more Great Unrest.
Neither Mekaneck nor Marzo reappeared in the Masters of the Universe Revelation/Revolution cartoon and comics, though Marzo is slated to appear in an Andra one-shot comic later this year, nor in the CGI He-Man cartoon. However, Mekaneck did appeare in the DC Eternity War comics, where he got yet another origin story. In the comics, Mekaneck is of roughly the same age as Adam and Teela, i.e. much younger than in previous incarnations. He already had his abilities as a young child, though again it’s not clear if he was born this way or received his abilities to heal some kind of injury. This incarnation of Mekaneck is also self-conscious about the fact that his neck-stretching ability is rather silly. At one point, he confesses to Duncan that he was badly bullied as a child because of his abilities. However, his classmate Teela protected him and put a stop to the bullying when they were both only six years old, leading to an enduring friendship. And yes, they’re really just friends, as Mekaneck tells Fisto, when the latter tells him that he’d better not get any ideas regarding Teela, because Teela and Adam belong together. Teela continues to tease Mekaneck about his “useless” powers, but she’s the only one who does and woe betide anybody else who tries. When Teela is kidnapped by Horde Force Captain Despara (we know her better as Adora), He-Man and Mekaneck team up to rescue her.
I really like this version of Mekaneck’s backstory. It draws very much on the 2002 version of the character – Mekaneck feels self-conscious about his powers and Teela teases him about it – but also goes back further to the Filmation cartoon, where we see lots of kids running around the Royal Palace – most likely the kids of guards, employees and courtiers. It makes sense that Mekaneck (and also Clamp Champ) was one of these kids and is a childhood friend of Adam and Teela (though I also like Mekaneck as a single Dad). Just as it makes sense for Teela to stand up for others and put bullies in their place, because that’s who she is. Plus, we know that Teela is extremely protective of those she cares for. She has been protective of Adam since childhood, but it makes sense that she would also protect others besides Adam. Coincidentally, we even see some of the kids in the palace being bullies as far back as the Filmation cartoon. They even pick on Adam on occasion, though they’d never dare to cross Teela.
The scant bio on the back of the Masterverse New Eternia Mekaneck action figure (i.e. the action figure appearing in this toy photo story) gives us yet another version of his backstory. In this version, Mekaneck is the captain of King Randor’s submarine squadron, which makes sense – he is the heroic human periscope, after all. We don’t learn how he came by his abilities, though the Masterverse Mekaneck is the first ever toy version of the character to feature an articulated neck, achieved via putting multiple ball-jointed neck extension pieces together. This time around, his signature weapon – a club – also doubles as a telescope, which is a neat touch.
The story below draws on the various backstories of Mekaneck and his nemesis Count Marzo. Marzo appears in his 2002 look, because that’s the only toy version of him we ever had, plus it is the cooler version, while Mekaneck displays the self-consciousness and need to prove himself that he’s had ever since the 2002 cartoon, while his friendship with Teela is borrowed from the Eternity War comics. So enjoy…
Mekaneck’s Revenge
On the Plains of Perpetua:
The scenery is aquarium decoration, while Count Marzo’s pet is a Schleich Eldrador Hellhound.
“Count Marzo, in the name of King Randor, you are under arrest for kidnapping, drug dealing, robbery, treason and countless other crimes against Eternia…”
“Oh, it’s Stretchyneck.”
“Mekaneck. My name is Mekaneck. Captain Mekaneck of the Royal Submarine Squadron.”
“Couldn’t Randor at least send a Master who’s marginally impressive? Man-e-Faces maybe or Ram-Man or Buzz Off or Stratos. At least they would be something of a challenge. Even that little red-haired girl who cosplays as Captain of the Guard would be more impressive.”
“Shut up, Marzo. Drop the sword and the amulet and hands up.”
“So you really want to arrest me? You and what army, Stretchyneck?”
“I don’t need an army or even the other Masters to deal with you, Marzo. I’m the winning type and you’re not remotely as impressive as you think you are, not to someone who’s faced Skeletor, the Evil Horde and the slithering Snake Men.”
“Well, you’re not impressive at all. Killing you will hardly cause me to break a sweat, though it will be very satisfying.”
“Not nearly as satisfying as seeing you locked up in the royal dungeon will be.”
“Enough talk. Get him, my hellhounds!”
GROWL!
CLASH! CLANG!
GROWL!
“Oh please! I’m not just a powerful sorcerer, I’m also a master swordsman. Do you really think you can stand against me with… what by the power of Horokoth is that thing anyway?”
“It’s a telescope. And a club. And it can shatter that pigsticker of yours like so much scrap metal.”
“Game over, Stretchyneck. You lose.”
“You didn’t think this shield was just for show, did you?”
CLASH! CLANG!
“Ah well, this was fun and more of a challenge than I expected. But I have places to be, treasures to steal and lands to conquer. Time to end this. Abra Bruska Metak Vedak.”
ZAP!
“Argh! Can’t… move…”
“My magic is keeping you in your place. And now, Stretchyneck, I shall cut off your head and put it on a spike on the battlements of Castle Marzo. And then I’ll feed your body to my hellhounds. Mwahahaha.”
GROWL! SLOBBER!
“Must… resist…”
FWOOSH!
“WHAT? How?”
“Your magic is powerful, but my neck is technology and magic doesn’t affect it. How useless is my ability now, eh Marzo?”
“This is merely a minor inconvenience. I shall simply cut off your neck at the shoulders and put it on the battlements of my castle as is. At least, it saves me a pole and a spike.”
“You’ll have to catch me first.”
“Quit wiggling, you worm!”
“Not a chance, Marzo.”
“I shall cut you down like a tree.”
CHOP! CHOP!
“Damn, I don’t know how long I can keep this up.”
“Halt! Leave him alone, Marzo!”
“Who dares?”
“Oh, it’s the little girl who thinks she’s Captain of the Guard. Randor really is scraping the bottom of the barrel, is he?”
“Teela, no. He’s too dangerous.”
“Well, I shall just kill two Masters of the price of one then. And your head will look very pretty on a spike with that fiery hair fluttering in the wind.”
GROWL!
“This is you last chance, Marzo. Surrender, call off your pets and leave Mekaneck alone or face the consequences!”
“And who’s going to make me? You, little girl who would be Captain of the Guard?”
“Wrong, Marzo. I am the Sorceress of Grayskull now and much more powerful than you can imagine. Zoar Vazetka Shuk Mok Ta.”
ZAP!
“Noooooo…”
“Are you all right, Meck?”
“I’m fine, thanks. A few bruises and scratches, but nothing serious.”
CRACKLE.
“Your neck is damaged. You need to let Dad or Andra take a look at that.”
“I think – CRACKLE – his blade damaged some of the cables. I can’t – CRACKLE – retract my neck either.”
“What were you thinking to go after him alone, Meck? Marzo is dangerous. He could have killed you.”
“I know. It’s just… after everything he’s done to me, I wanted to be the one to bring him in.”
“I understand. But you still shouldn’t have gone after him alone. Why didn’t you take Man-e-Faces along? Or Buzz-Off or Stratos or Ram-Man or Uncle Malcolm or at least some of my guards – well, I guess they’re Andra’s guards now.”
“Because… well, just this once I wanted to be the hero and not just the look-out who does reconnaissance or the human periscope.”
“You are a hero, Meck. Even if your special ability is stretching your neck. Cause there are times when stretching your neck comes in really handy. I mean, you are the sole reason we even have a Royal Submarine Squadron.”
“Yes, because the Queen said, ‘Oh, he’s like a human periscope’, when she first met me. And then the King asked, ‘What’s a periscope?’ and the Queen explained to him that Earth had something called submarines, so the King decided he wanted a Submarine Squadron as well. Except that I think submarines on Earth are quite different than me wading into the sea and keeping my head above water.”
“That’s just because Earth doesn’t have a Mekaneck.”
“Thanks, Teela, for everything. You’re the best.”
SMOOCH!
“Just don’t tell Adam about this, okay? Cause I’d really hate to have him angry at me.”
“Why should Adam be angry at you, Meck? You’re his friend.”
“Ahem, because I just kissed you?”
“Oh please! I can kiss whoever I want. After all, Adam and I are just good friends.”
“Yeah, you keep telling yourself that, Teela.”
“Could you just lock me up already? Cause I think I’m going to puke, if I have to listen to this any longer.”
“Shut up, Marzo!”
***
Later:
“Hi folks, it’s me, Loo-Kee. Light Hope sent me to Eternia through a portal, so I can do my job and deliver the moral of story.”
“In today’s tale, Mekaneck thought that he could capture Count Marzo all alone and almost got himself killed in the process. But lucky for him, Teela showed up in the nick of time. Of course, Mekaneck could have just asked his friends for help in the first place. Cause everybody needs help sometimes and there is no shame in asking.”
“Also, I want to talk to you about drugs. Cause one of the things that Marzo does is give drugs to Eternian children to make them commit crimes for him. Strangers like Marzo can be very dangerous, so don’t accept any candy or magical potions or drinks a stranger gives to you. Cause they could be drugs and drugs are very, very bad for you. Just ask Ileena. Or Jonno. In fact, evil people like Count Marzo are exactly why I’ve been tasked with delivering these morals…”
I took these and the earlier photos at different times, so Marzo has acquired a second hellhound, a Schleich Eldrador Fire Hyaena, in the meantime.
“So you think you can ruin my business, you little creep? Wait till I get my hands on you…”
“Help! It’s Marzo. He’s loose.”
“Indeed I am, you little creep.”
“How did you get here anyway? Why aren’t you in the royal dungeon?”
“I broke out. The royal dungeon isn’t exactly escape proof. Skeletor’s Evil Warriors break out of that place all the bloody time and I picked up a few tricks. So yes, Count Marzo is free and back in business. And you, little creep, won’t ruin my business by warning the children of Eternia of my tricks. Get him my hellhounds!”
GROWL!
“Help, help!”
“Hello, children. My name is Count Marzo. Do no listen to this little creep, for Loo-Kee lies.”
“I don’t lie. My people can’t lie. That’s why I’ve been chosen to deliver the moral message. Because I always tell the truth.”
“Shut him up, my hellhounds.”
GROWL. SLOBBER.
“Yelp!”
“Don’t you want to hear my side of the story, children? For you see, I am the victim of unjust persecution by that tyrant King Randor. I am merely a simple mage, going about my business, taking from the rich to give to… well, myself. Surely supporting myself in the style I am accustomed to cannot be a crime. Also, children, let me tell you the truth about drugs, the whole and unvarnished truth…”
“Don’t listen to him! He’s lying.”
GROWL. SLOBBER.
“Drugs are wonderful. They make you feel good and strong and powerful and that’s the true reason why people like Randor or that killjoy He-Man or this little nuissance there don’t want you to take them. And because I am a master sorcerer, my drugs are the best in all of Eternia. Much better than those of that Gar loser Jarvan. And best of all, my drugs are free. Well, almost free. Cause all I ask in return is that you do me a little favour and help me in my quest to assume my rightful place as ruler of Eternia…”
“Really, Marzo? You escaped from the royal dungeon barely an hour ago and you’re already up to your old tricks again? Well, I guess I’ll just have to arrest you again then.”
“Oh, it’s Stretchyneck. Again.”
“Mekaneck. My name is Mekaneck.”
GROWL!
“So you really want to go another round with me, Stretchyneck. Cause I’m just going to defeat you again and this time, your pretty red-haired Sorceress girlfriend won’t be there to save you. So prepare to die, Stretchyneck. I shall put your head on a spike on the battlements of my castle right next to the stuffed carcass of that little nuissance Loo-Kee…”
“Are you just going to stand there and talk, Marzo, or will you fight?”
“You’re remarkably confident, Stretchyneck, considering I’ve kicked your arse twice now. What makes you think this time will be different?”
“Well, for starters because this time…”
“…I brought friends.”
“Hi, Marzo. Remember me?
“Oh, it’s the second most ridiculous Heroic Warrior. Well, I shall just put your head on the walls of my castle next to Stretchyneck’s and that little creep Loo-Kee’s.”
GROWL!
“Fisto’s the name, punching’s the game. And now eat steel knuckles, shithead!”
PUNCH!
“Uhhh…”
YOWL!
“Thanks for lending a hand – ahem, fist, Malcolm.”
“Anytime, Meck. That’s what friends are for.”
“I mean, I could’ve taken him down myself, cause I am the winning type, after all. But it’s still good to have backup.”
“Yeah sure, you could’ve taken him down yourself. After all, it’s not as if Teela had to rescue you the last time.”
“She… Yes, you’re right, Malcolm. Teela did save my bacon. But then she’s a very special person.”
“I know. She is my niece, after all. And Meck, consider this a friendly warning, but no kissing Teela or you’ll answer to me.”
“I didn’t…”
“Loo-Kee, did Mekaneck kiss Teela?”
“You… you guys know I’m here? You can see me?”
“Sigh. Loo-Kee, we always know you’re there, cause you’re not nearly as good at hiding as you think. We just pretend we don’t see you. And now did Mekaneck kiss Teela?”
“All right, I did kiss Teela. But only on the forehead. She’s a friend.”
“And don’t you forget it, Meck. Cause you know that Teela is as good as betrothed to Adam.”
“Have you told her that? Cause Teela insists that she and Adam are just friends.”
“Sigh. Yeah, that’s Teela for you. The most powerful sorceress in the universe and yet remarkably clueless. The same goes for Adam. He’s the most powerful man in the universe and yet he still can’t muster enough courage to finally pop the question. Those two kids can be so silly. As if the whole palace doesn’t know what’s up.”
“Talking of which, we should take Marzo back to the royal dungeon. And then we’ll have to explain to Duncan that his escape-proof prison proved to be not escape-proof, after all. Again.”
“Well, escape-proofing the not-quite-escape-proof dungeon should keep my brother busy for a couple of days and out of my hair, cause Duncan’s ego has gotten a little too inflated since Randor knighted him.”
“You’re just jealous that your brother is now Lord Duncan and you’re still plain old Malcolm.”
“Pah. I’m still the strongest right fist in all of Eternia and that’s the only title that counts.”
***
Duncan actually does get knighted somewhere between Masters of the Universe Revelation and Revolution, because he is referred to as “Lord Duncan” in the latter. He also gets a snazzy new uniform and armour.
And Count Marzo, the public service announcement incarnate, taking over the moral at the end of the story was just too funny.
That’s it for today, folks. I hope you enjoyed this Masters-of-the-Universe-Piece Theatre Toy Photo Story, because there will be more.
Disclaimer: I don’t own any of these characters, I just bought some toys, took photos of them and wrote little scenes to go with those photos. All characters are copyright and trademark their respective owners.
*As a kid, I literally did not understand the concept of disability and famously told my teacher in elementary school that I didn’t know any disabled people, even though I had an amputee grandma, a blind neighbour, a deaf neighbour, a polio survivor uncle and a mentally disabled cousin (and several undiagnosed autistic relatives).
sending...
