Masters-of-the-Universe-Piece Theatre: “Dinosaurs and Fists of Steel”

The next Star Trek Strange New Worlds and Obi-Wan Kenobi reviews are coming, but I had a stressful day, somewhat relieved by the mail person bringing me toys, so here is another short Master-of-the-Universe-Piece Theatre photo story. The name “Masters-of-the-Universe-Piece Theatre” was coined by Kevin Beckett at the Whetstone Discord server.

The background is that in 1987, Mattel was planning to send He-Man back in time and produced three bionic dinosaurs for the Masters of the Universe figures to ride, including a triceratops called Bionatops. The dinosaurs were never made again in any of the later Masters of the Universe lines, but I had the idea that maybe a Schleich triceratops would work as well, so I ordered one and he (or she) arrived today. And even if the triceratops wouldn’t work for my Masters of the Universe figures, it’s still an awesome dinosaur and you can never have too many dinosaurs:

Schleich triceratops“Don’t mind me, I’m just grazing here and enjoying the grass and the flowers.”

The mail person also brought me Jitsu, a rather underdeveloped member of Skeletor’s Evil Warriors, who only appeared once in the 1980s Filmation cartoon and not at all in any of the subsequent cartoons, probably because he was portrayed very much as a racist stereotype in the Filmation cartoon, so no one wanted to tackle him in later incarnations. And yes, it’s depressing that the only Asian character in Masters of the Universe is an underdeveloped bad guy. Though come to think of it, there also was a ninja character who was even more underdeveloped.

That said, Jitsu does make a great action figure, so I put him next to my new triceratops.

Jitsu with a triceratops

“Ah, what a fearsome beast! I shall tame you and ride you to Snake Mountain to strike fear in the hearts of my enemies.”

“Eat shit and die, mammal.”

Jitsu is often considered Fisto’s archenemy, probably because they both have a prosthetic metal hand. So of course, I had to pit them against each other and this is what happened:

Jitsu versus Fisto, while Ram-Man and a triceratops look on.

“So we finally meet again, Fisto, my old enemy. And this time I shall vanquish you with my deadly steel chop.”

“Well, I’ve got a steel fist of my own.”

“But mine is shinier.”

“And mine is bigger.”

“I have a dinosaur.”

“And I have Ram-Man.”

“Actually, mammal, you don’t have a dinosaur. I just happened to be passing by, minding my own business, when you showed up.”

Fisto fights Jitsu, as Ram-Man and a triceratops look on.“Eat steel knuckles, Gold Boy.”

“Feel my golden chop.”

“Hey, that’s my boyfriend you’re beating up there.”

“Ah, the sweet smell of testosterone. Mammals, so predictable.”

Jitsu has knocked out Fisto and faces Ram-Man, while the triceratops wishes she were somewhere else.“Leave Fisto alone or I swear I’ll ram you into the ground.”

“Bring it on, Bucket Head!”

“Look, mammals, could you maybe do that somewhere else, cause I only wanted some peace and quiet in the sun?”

Ram-Man knocked out Jitsu, while Fisto and the triceratops look on.

“Take that, Gold Hand Dude.” Rammm!

“Oww, my head. Krass, what happened?”

“He knocked you out and then I knocked him out, Malcolm. But we won.”

“That’s it. I’m leaving and finding a quiet place far away from all of those brawling mammals.”

I did put a Masters of the Universe figure on the Schleich triceratops and it does work, though Fisto looks a bit like Lee Marvin’s drunken cowboy from Cat Ballou when riding the triceratops. Though as these picture show, the original 1987 Bionatops wasn’t all that big either.

Fisto rides the triceratops“I was born under a wand’rin’ star… la, la, la, la…”

“Shut up, mammal! Your voice is terrible and besides, that song isn’t even from Cat Ballou, but from Paint Your Wagon.”

“And what does a dinosaur know about music from movies released on another planet?”

“I’m a very culturally interested dinosaur. And besides, what does a grumpy and drunkard loser like you know about movies from another planet?”

“Queen Marlena holds regular movie nights at the royal palace. Krass and I always attend. Anyway, can’t you go any faster, boy. I’ll be late for dinner.”

“I’m not a boy, I’m a girl, idiot.”

“Well, can’t you go any faster, girl? I promise, I’ll give you a nice big lamb chop, when we get back to the palace.”

“I’m a herbivore, idiot.”

“Well, then I’ll give you a pot of potatoes. Or maybe carrots?”

“A big bowl of salad and we’re in business.”

“Okay, deal. I was born under a wand’rin’ star… la, la, la, la…”

“Oh, not again!”

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this Masters-of-the.Universe-Piece Theatre Photo Story. There’ll be more stories, including the already announced She-Ra story, since the Evil Horde has gained a few more members in the meantime.

Disclaimer: I don’t own any of these characters, I just bought some toys, took photos of them and wrote little scenes to go with those photos. All characters are copyright and trademark their respective owners.

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