Masters-of-the-Universe-Piece Theatre: “Holiday on Orkas Island”

It’s time for another Masters-of-the-Universe-Piece Theatre photo story, featuring the latest addition to my collection. The name “Masters-of-the-Universe-Piece Theatre” was coined by Kevin Beckett at the Whetstone Discord server.

The small toy aisle at the German drugstore chain Rossmann has turned out to be an unlikely source of Masters of the Universe Origins toys, because they tend to have even hard-to-find figures at regular prices. And during my last visit to the local Rossmann store, I hit paydirt and found Clawful, the lobster-like Evil Warrior who is almost impossible to find in Germany. I got even luckier at the shoe shop next door and walked out with a pair of half-price Dockers.

Clawful figure

Clawful is ready to wreak havoc with his claws and his club.

In the 1980s Filmation cartoon, Clawful looks quite different from his toy counterpart, probably because the cartoon was based on an early prototype. He also seems to be one of a kind. However, the 2002 He-Man cartoon reveals that there is a whole species of lobster people out there and that they hail from a place called Orkas Island, which also happens to be the retirement home of an aged warrior called Dekker, Duncan’s former mentor and predecessor at Man-at-Arms.

So I decided to send Prince Adam, Teela and Man-at-Arms on a well-deserved holiday and have Clawful and his fellow aquatic Evil Warrior Mer-Man cause some trouble. I also got out a bunch of maritime themed objects to serve as props.

On Orkas Island in the Ocean of Gnarl (yes, I looked up the names):

Prince Adam and Teela are kissing on the beach.“I was a bit skeptical about leaving the palace unguarded at first, but this beach holiday was a great idea, Adam.”

“The palace will be fine, Teela. After all, your guards are there to watch over it. And I think we all needed a break from fighting the Evil Forces of Skeletor. Plus, you and I finally get to spend some time alone.”

“Yes, luckily my father decided to go fishing in that secluded cove that only he and Dekker know about.”

“Come to think of it, it is a bit strange that your father left so quickly.”

“By Zoar, you don’t think he knows, do you? I mean, we’ve been so careful.”

“Well, I still have all my body parts, so I don’t think he knows.”

“Don’t be silly! My Dad loves you. You’re the son he never had.”

“That doesn’t mean he thinks I’m good enough for his daughter.”

“You’re the Crown Prince of Eternia and Champion of Grayskull. If you’re not good enough for me, then who is?”

In a secluded cove nearby:

Duncan is fishing.“I wonder how long I have to stay here and pretend to be fishing, so Adam and Teela can have some privacy. Sigh, I just wish they’d make it official, so we can all stop pretending we don’t know what they’re doing when they sneak off to be alone. Not that I never snuck off to meet my lover. Though I do hope I was a bit less obvious about it. Sigh, I just hope they’re careful. Not sure I’m ready for grandchildren yet. Yeah right, because I was so careful that I managed to get the Sorceress of Grayskull pregnant…”

Also nearby:

Clawful and Mer-Man are arguing.“Well, Skeletor is the Lord of Destruction, Beast-Man is the Master of Beasts, Evil-Lyn is the Mistress of Dark Magic and I shall be King of the Ocean.”

“No, I’m King of the Ocean.”

“And what about me?”

“You can be Lord of the Lobsters.”

Clawful points something out to Mer-Man.“I’m not a lobster. Hey, check that out!”

“Yeah, it’s Prince Adam making out with Captain Teela. Again.”

“Right. Prince Adam and Teela.”

“Oh, and if we capture them, Skeletor will be so pleased that he’ll promote me to his right-fin man.”

“No, he’ll promote me to his right-claw man.”

Back on the beach:

Adam and Teela are making out on the beach.“You’re wearing too many clothes, Adam.”

“Ahem, if you want He-Man, I told you that’s too dangerous. I could hurt you.”

“I don’t want He-Man, stupid, I want Adam… naked.”

“In that case, I think I can oblige.”

Clawful and Mer-Man sneak up on Adam and Teela making out.“Why is it that whenever I see Prince Adam, he’s either chained up in the dungeons of Snake Mountain or boning the Captain of the Royal Guard?”

“Well, I’ve also seen him standing next to the King at a public audience.”

“What were you doing at one of King Randor’s public audiences?”

“I was using the opportunity to scout out the palace and look for weaknesses, okay? Anyway, let’s go and get them!”

Mer-Man and Clawful attack Adam and Teela on the beach.“Oh crap, it’s Mer-Man and Clawful. Is it too much to hope for some privacy around here? Is it too much to ask for a quiet day on the beach just once.”

“Let’s just kick their arses and get back to business.”

“Do you want to change? I can hold them off, while you run behind those rocks over there.”

“I don’t want to leave you alone. And besides, Prince Adam is enough for those guys.”

Adam fights Mer-Man and Teela fights Clawful.“What’s the matter, Your Highness? Are you waiting for He-Man to come and save your arse?”

“I don’t need He-Man to deal with the likes of you, Mer-Man.”

“Then bring it on, puny Prince!”

“Feel the power of my claws, Captain.”

“Feel the power of my staff, lobster face.”

“For the last time, I’m not a lobster.”

Adam has disarmed Mer-Man, while Clawful is fighting Teela.“Who’s puny now? Yield, Mer-Man!”

“That silly little shield won’t protect you from my club, Captain.”

“That’s a buckler, fish-face.”

“I’m not a fish either.”

Clawful grabs Teela, while Adam holds Mer-Man at sword point.“Now I’ve got you, my pretty. Skeletor will be very pleased about this catch.”

“Ah, let go off me!”

“Teela, no!”

Meanwhile, in a secluded cove nearby:

Duncan hears screams, while fishing.“Dekker was right, fishing can be very meditative. I think I’ve finally figured out how to fix that pesky induction coupling on the Road Ripper. Though if I don’t catch something soon, we’ll go hungry tonight, because I’m pretty sure Adam and Teela are way too busy with each other to catch any fish…”

“Aaahhh!”

“What’s that? Screams? By Zoar, what now? I’d better go investigate.”

Adam and Duncan rescue Teela from Clawful.“Oww, this hurts.”

“Let go off her, Clawful, and take on someone your own size.”

“Leave my daughter alone, you lobster-faced fiend!”

“For the last time, I’m not a lobster.”

Duncan fights Clawful, Adam hugs Teela and Mer-Man makes his escape.“Touch my daughter again and I’ll make crab cakes out of you.”

“I’m not a crab either, I’m Karikoni. Is that so difficult to understand?”

“Teela, are you all right?”

“I’m fine, Adam. Just a little bruised, that’s all.”

“Uhm, I’d better make my escape. Let Clawful go to prison for this. After all, it was his idea.”

Duncan and Adam comfort Teela, while Clawful and Mer-Man make their escape.“Wait for me, Mer-Man!”

“Are you hurt, my daughter?”

“I’m fine, Dad. Just a few bruises.”

“Let me see. I just want to check if anything’s broken.”

“Thanks for the help, Duncan. Though I could have handled him.”

“Oh, I have no doubt of that, Adam.”

Later, on the beach:

Adam, Teela and Duncan are having a lobster boil on the beach.“Well, after all that excitement, I’m certainly hungry. Good thing you caught that lobster, Duncan.”

“Well, I guess the two of you were much too busy to catch anything.”

“Busy with Clawful and Mer-Man, you mean?”

“Of course, what else would I mean?”

Meanwhile, back at Snake Mountain, Skeletor is having a shrimp boil of his own:

Skeletor is threatening Clawful and Mer-Man with Old Bay seasoning.“You had Prince Adam and Teela in your claws and let them go? You’ll pay for that, you incompetent seafood platter.”

“No, Skeletor, I beg you, have mercy! Not the Old Bay!”

***

The Old Bay gag was inspired by my friend and fellow Hugo finalist Paul Weimer, who remarked that the Twitter version of this story was missing an Old Bay joke. And since I had a container of Old Bay seasoning in the pantry, I let Skeletor have a shrimp boil of his own.

I hope you enjoyed this Masters-of-the-Universe-Piece Theatre Photo Story. There will be more stories soon. Meanwhile, here is a preview of Coming Attractions:

Castle Grayskull boxYes, I got myself a Castle Grayskull. Though it’s still in the box for now, because the space where I’m planning to set it up is not ready yet, because the carpenter is on holiday.

Disclaimer: I don’t own any of these characters, I just bought some toys, took photos of them and wrote little scenes to go with those photos. All characters are copyright and trademark their respective owners.

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12 Responses to Masters-of-the-Universe-Piece Theatre: “Holiday on Orkas Island”

  1. Pingback: Pixel Scroll 8/2/22 I Took My Files Down To Jaxom’s Ruth (You Know That Dragon With The Pixeled Tooth) | File 770

  2. Lurkertype says:

    I LOL when the Old Bay showed up. Boffo ending! Good idea, Paul.
    (Which reminds me, I’m out of Old Bay and have some shrimp in the freezer. I don’t need a container half my size, though.)

    Mer-Man and Clawful are the goofiest-looking figures so far in this series.

    I look forward to the majesty of Castle Grayskull! I haven’t seen so many translations for one word even on IKEA products.

    • Cora says:

      Well, Skeletor has a lot of Evil Warriors plus a dungeon full of monsters and a whole army of Snake Men locked in a vault in his basement, so he has a lot of mouths to feed and needs a lot of Old Bay.

      Mer-Man and Clawful really do look goofy, though Stinkor and Whiplash (an aligator man) can give them a run for their money.

      The US packaging for these Masters of the Universe figures actually has extra bits of text, even if it’s just something like “evil fish person”, which doesn’t fit on the EU versions, because the text is translated into ten different languages or so. I also once got a figure in what I assume was a Latin American packaging, because it was all in Spanish.

      That said, Castle Grayskull did have a translated name in Germany in the 1980s, though I forgot what it was, because I watched the cartoons in English via Sky Channel from the UK. Though nowadays, they’re not translating the name of the Castle, but telling us in ten different languages that the Castle is not assembled.

  3. Lurkertype says:

    I still don’t have any Old Bay, but I have many of the spices that are in it, and also shrimp bouillon (technically, it’s Knorr calde camarón), so I went ahead and boiled the shrimp last night. Mmm, mmm.

    No evil was in it as far as I could tell, although the salt and MSG in the bouillon will put you over your sodium limit quickly.

    • Cora says:

      I must buy some shrimp and make shrimp boil soon. And yes, a lot of spice mixes can be substituted, e.g. I make my own piri piri rub, because I can’t get it in Germany. You also can’t get Knorr calde camarón or their other Latin products, even though Knorr is a German company. Ditto for Maggi – you can’t get a lot of their Asian products in Germany except at Asian groceries, even though Maggi is a Swiss company and their liquid seasoning is ubiquitous in Germany.

      • Lurkertype says:

        Definitely a shame. I just… go to the store and buy it.

        I actually prefer the Malheur brand (which is even saltier!) but at the time I got the Knorr and some previous shrimp, the store I was in didn’t have it and I didn’t have time to go elsewhere.

        So obviously I need to make more shrimp and use up the Knorr and find the other brand. Or just get some Old Bay. Meanwhile, I have my other spices.

        • Cora says:

          I’m getting shrimp on the next grocery store haul and making some shrimp boil. I usually have some at home, but with the extremely hot temperatures at the moment, I’m careful.

          • Lurkertype says:

            I can only afford frozen shrimp, so temperatures don’t matter.

            Found another bag in the freezer and boiled it up with the calde cameron and some apple cider vinegar last night. Delightful. We somehow managed to eat 2 lbs. of the large size between two of us (with the legs going to El Gato, who also ate some shells).

            • Cora says:

              The only “fresh of the boat” shrimps you can get here are grey shrimp from the North Sea, which are tiny and not at all suited to shrimp boils. They taste great, though, and I sometimes get them when I’m in Bremerhaven or other North Sea fishing ports.

              There’s an intermediate step, where you can buy fresh shrimps at the supermarket that are refrigerated, but not frozen. I sometimes buy those, when the price is reasonable. Otherwise, I use frozen shrimps.

              • Lurkertype says:

                Shrimp is both singular and plural, like sheep.

                I don’t know why.

                Everyone says shrimps though. I was giving each of us our share and I said I put 20 shrimps each.

                I think all of our refrigerated shrimp say “previously frozen, do not refreeze” on them, so why bother?

              • Lurkertype says:

                If international mail wasn’t so expensive, I’d split my Knorr with you.

                Probably some rule against it in one or both of our countries.

                Do try some apple cider vinegar in the boiling water, though!

                • Cora says:

                  It’s weird that there are Knorr products you can’t get in Germany, even though Knorr is a German company. One thing you can get here are cubes of concentrated shrimp or lobster paste, which I add to Cajun and other seafood dishes.

                  Thanks for the tip regarding the cider vinegar. That I have in sufficient quantities, because I need it for pickling pumpkins.

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